You know I have shiteye? That’s an ACTUAL MEDICAL TERM, by the way – the street name for it is ‘conjunctivitis’. True story.
And you know antibiotics? Yeah? I am taking them for the shiteye.
Antibiotics are great, huh. Oh yeah. Good stuff. You know how the antibiotics for shiteye are eye drops? Makes sense, right?
You know how the eye drops are cold, and soothing, and a relief from the itch-plague of shiteye?
You know how the antibiotics just take the pain away and make everything all right again?
And how even though the antibiotics sting a bit, and there’s that foul bitter taste down the back of your throat that you almost can’t stomach but you do, cos you know it’s medicine and it’s GOOD for you and you have to do it if you want to shift the shiteye?
And how even though yeah, it fucking STINGS actually A LOT and you can’t see properly for ten minutes and you stamp your feet and say ‘motherfucker‘ in front of the toddler, who’s laughing at you anyway cos they had to have antibiotics last week and you actually SAT ON THEM to get the fucking things in their eyes and now it’s OBVIOUSLY payback time?
So you know how you have to take the antibiotics about three thousand hundred million times a day? Or, like, every three hours or whatever? But you have to keep them in the fridge, so if you’re out all day, you have to take the fridge out with you? Yeah.
And you know how, OK, it’s inconvenient and it stings like a fucker and they taste like shit and your toddler laughs at you and your eye is still weeping pus a bit, fucksake, that’s all FINE anyway cos antibiotics are GREAT and WONDERFUL and can FIX YOUR SHITEYE and not just shiteye but all sorts of other bacterial-based bastard infections?
You know all that?
What I want to know is: when are they going to make something that soothes the pain in my heart? Or the itch in my brain? Or the stupid tangled worries in my gut? Or the loneliness? Or the sadness? Is there medicine for all that? Cos just when I think I’m over it, I get another bout.
Antibiotics. Yes. They’re great. What would you want them to cure?
Delete as appropriate
John Dave Geoff Other
This is the
easiest most fun hardest letter I have ever had to write.
I’ve spent most of the morning
drinking rum dancing naked in the rain crying. I realise that there was nothing I could say that you wanted to hear. I hope I didn’t make a nuisance of myself. I’m a total arse-biscuit fuck-donkey twat-face noob like that.
In a way, it is better that I express myself through
mime sky writing blogging. I can’t say everything I want to say here, but, I hope you know anyway. Otherwise, it’s all been for nothing.
Choose one or more of the following clichés:
- it’s not you, it’s me
- it’s for the best
- time’s a great healer
- it will get better
Or write your own:
I never saw this coming. I thought we were solid. How farking shiteballs.
In the meantime I will put on
an air of nonchalance a tartan cape a brave face. This may seem stupid uncaring cold-hearted or all three but I don’t know what else to do. Life has been so stupidly totally really hard lately that I sometimes feel quite hysterical. I guess this is all a coping mechanism. Hope you find one too.
Choose one or more of the following sentiments:
- I miss you √
- I will always adore you √
- you are one of the best people I have the privilege to know √
Or write your own:
You said it won’t ever be the same. But in my heart I know one day it will be better than it ever has been.
WARNING: PUBLISHING THIS LETTER IS ILL-ADVISED, ESPECIALLY IF THE USER IS UNDER EXTREME EMOTIONAL DISTRESS AND HAS NOT REALLY SLEPT VERY WELL. THE USER MUST ACCEPT ALL RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY ADVERSE REACTIONS. IF YOU ARE THE USER AND ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY, CROSS HERE : X
Choose one or more sign off:
- yours sincerely
- yours faithfully
- that’s all folks
Or write your own:
Print your name here:
a broken-hearted MoVo