You know I have shiteye? That’s an ACTUAL MEDICAL TERM, by the way – the street name for it is ‘conjunctivitis’. True story.
And you know antibiotics? Yeah? I am taking them for the shiteye.
Antibiotics are great, huh. Oh yeah. Good stuff. You know how the antibiotics for shiteye are eye drops? Makes sense, right?
You know how the eye drops are cold, and soothing, and a relief from the itch-plague of shiteye?
You know how the antibiotics just take the pain away and make everything all right again?
And how even though the antibiotics sting a bit, and there’s that foul bitter taste down the back of your throat that you almost can’t stomach but you do, cos you know it’s medicine and it’s GOOD for you and you have to do it if you want to shift the shiteye?
And how even though yeah, it fucking STINGS actually A LOT and you can’t see properly for ten minutes and you stamp your feet and say ‘motherfucker‘ in front of the toddler, who’s laughing at you anyway cos they had to have antibiotics last week and you actually SAT ON THEM to get the fucking things in their eyes and now it’s OBVIOUSLY payback time?
So you know how you have to take the antibiotics about three thousand hundred million times a day? Or, like, every three hours or whatever? But you have to keep them in the fridge, so if you’re out all day, you have to take the fridge out with you? Yeah.
And you know how, OK, it’s inconvenient and it stings like a fucker and they taste like shit and your toddler laughs at you and your eye is still weeping pus a bit, fucksake, that’s all FINE anyway cos antibiotics are GREAT and WONDERFUL and can FIX YOUR SHITEYE and not just shiteye but all sorts of other bacterial-based bastard infections?
You know all that?
What I want to know is: when are they going to make something that soothes the pain in my heart? Or the itch in my brain? Or the stupid tangled worries in my gut? Or the loneliness? Or the sadness? Is there medicine for all that? Cos just when I think I’m over it, I get another bout.
Antibiotics. Yes. They’re great. What would you want them to cure?