Sucks

Moo sucks. Quite literally. Remember when I wrote this post? About her addiction to dummies? Yeah? Well, surprise sur-fucking-prise, time goes forward inexorably and all that, and it’s getting to the stage where Moo sucking on a dummy now is just a little bit, well, erm, how can I say this politely… a bit FUCKING WRONG. It sucks. She’s two and a half. She sucks. She’s got to stop.

Today I bought two new dummies. This does not aid the whole ‘stopping sucking’ thing, I agree. But her previous dummies were kind of grey. And droopy. One of them had a hair caught round it, and fluff caught in the hair, and tiny spiders caught in the fluff (I’m guessing). It’s gross. She loves it. She sucks on those bastards like a bastard. It’s scary how much she loves it. She goes all giggly and far-eyed when she sucks on those things. Like I do when I’m inhaling cheese. Addicted, fucksake. So I tried cleaning the old ones but they were still grey, and droopy. So I bought new ones. Because when I broached the subject of maybe taking the dummies away and Moo going to bed without them now, I got what I like to think of as A Top Level Death Stare.

‘Moo, you don’t need dummies any more.’

Death Stare.

‘Moo, let’s put the dummies away and see how you get on.’

DEATH STARE.

‘Moo – please don’t kill me, but – soon you’ll have to get rid of your dummies, because it’s gross now, OK?’

DEEEEEEEEATH STARE OF DEATH AND DOOM.

She’s two and a half, and still uses a dummy to settle herself at night. In my head, I’ve given her till she’s three to drop it. Realistically, it has to be sooner, because otherwise, I’ll wimp out and she’ll still be using them when she’s 26. I’m not generally a wimp in my parenting tactics. But, you see, I like that Moo sleeps at night. She’s GREAT at it. Aside from a few wobbles in the past, she’s in bed by 7 and FREQUENTLY does not wake till 8 the next morning. THAT IS UBER SLEEPING SKILLZ, bruv. I don’t want to jinx that. I don’t want to RUIN what is a perfectly awesome sleeping advantage for me. I have a direful notion that if I remove the dummies, it’s all going to go tits up. Or teats up. See what I did there. Har.

When she had The Pox recently, I indulged her. She was poorly and needed comfort. So the dummies came out during the day. This is not the usual routine. Dummies are for bye-byes. Apart from when struck down with Pox, obvs. Unfortunately, Moo now thinks she’s entitled to the dummies AT WHATEVER POINT OF THE DAY SHE SO DESIRES THEM. Man alive. And now she’s, like, a proper tiny person, she’ll just fetch them herself from upstairs and look totally aghast and calls her lawyer to report a breach of her basic human rights if I take them off her.

I know, I know. I’VE CREATED A MONSTER. In the post I’ve linked to above, I’m all ‘Yeah look at me not giving a shit about my baby having a dummy, I’ll just take it off her when she’s older, piece of piss bruv, bring it on, woop woop’ and now I’ve reached that point, I’m fucking bricking it. Moo is obstinate, defiant and bloody stubborn (no idea where she gets that from, ahem) so the thought of BATTLING her on this TERRIFIES me.

HEEEELP. People who have wrestled dummies from their children’s puckered mouths, HOW? Or am I fretting too soon about this stuff, and should just wait till she’s older and can be reasoned with (bribed)?

DO I JUST BURN ALL THE DUMMIES?

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68 comments

  1. Gemma

    My 18 month old never had a dummy tried her with it as a baby but she didn’t like it, she did however like booby and lots of it (she was breastfed) she stopped having it last week as it was getting to the point where she was pulling my top down to get my tits out in public!enough was enough! So i decided last week to just stop. I explained to her that booby was only for babies and she was a big girl now. Ive had a few tantrums but I’ve stuck to my word and so far so good! Just don’t give in i think they realise eventually that no means no! Good luck!

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  3. Mrs Smith

    Just discovered your blog and I love your dummy post. I feel your pain, i really do. My daughter had the same obsession with her dummies and for reasons i wont bore you with we had to loose them when she was 19 months old. Too young to understand the whole giving to the fairies party, so i took advice from some online page i found. I cut the teat ever so slightly so the suction wasnt as satisfying. She couldnt work out what was different but it was no longer comforting her. She kept putting it in and then taking it out to inspect it. Went on a week, had a few tears but i kept giving her the dummy when she asked for it but she would spit it out after sucking on it. Best way ever to deal with it if you ask me. After one week of her just holding it and not sucking it, I took them out of sight…..Good luck and you wont look back ditching it (and having to find it and clean it)

    • motherventing

      That’s really good advice, thank you. Someone mentioned something similar, and it worked for them, so I will definitely give it a try. Further to this post I’ve been ‘preparing’ her for dummylessness by talking about taking it away a lot. She just LOOKS at me. And smirks. Like I’m going to get my arse kicked at this. But I will prevail! I will!

      Thank you for reading, commenting, and following :)

  4. learnermother

    Mine did thumbs instead of dummies, which kind of made the whole ‘hanging them up in a bag for the fairies’ thing tricky. I’m still occasionally removing a sleeping 7-year old’s thumb from his powervacuumsuction amid dire warnings from the dentist that he’ll have buck teeth and it’s ALL. MY. FAULT.
    Good luck with the fairies. They’ve worked for most people I know.

  5. The Mummy Scripts

    Ok, so I am in EXACTLY the same place as you. Little M is 2 1/2 and still uses a dummy for bedtime. I am desperate to get rid of it but haven’t got a clue how to – he is in love with it and gets all glazy eyed when he has it. I have tried to reason (impossible with a 2 year-old) and like you am waiting for 3rd birthday when I’m thinking the dummy fairy will swoop in and remove the wretched things from the house for ever more. We’ll see. I do like my sleep though and am worried this might result in earthquake-type meltdowns. Oh why did I buy them in the first place?!

  6. mrstutey

    i felt similar about getting rid of 3.5yo dummy. he was horrid baby. cried non stop. a dummy helped this. he slept through. he was settled. i didn’t want to rock the boat. but sometimes you have to “be cruel to be kind”. so father Christmas took his diddys. he put all 10!!!! of them in a Christmas bag and in return he got a most wanted toy. he asked for them at bedtime and he struggled to settle that first night. however the next night he asked once and the third night he didn’t ask. he still slept fine.
    i was surprised at how easy it all was. good luck x

    • motherventing

      10!! Crikey! I thought Moo was pushing it with 3! Ah bless him, sounds like it might not be ass stressful as I thought, I’ll wait a bit and then give it a go, hopefully the swapping it for a gift thing might work :) thanks for your comment x

  7. DustandLove

    Great post and some fantastic advice. I remember my dummy situation as a child which was firstly “solved” by being shouted at by my father outside a petrol station for being a baby (I was three) which THEN led to instant dummy removal and consequently thumb sucking (up to the age of around 13) which THEN led to a stutter which is still quite a large part of my life.

    So yeah. Get it wrong and ruin the child.

    Nonsense you’ll be fine. I will be using the fairy trick. In place of the fairy I will be using Batman.

    • motherventing

      Me: ‘So, Batman took your dummy. Is that cool?’
      Moo: ‘Yeah I guess. Wait, what does he need it for?’
      Me: ‘Erm. It’s like, um. A weapon? He needs it to throw at the Joker. Obviously.’
      Moo: ‘Are you making this up as you go along?’
      Me: ‘Yes.’
      Moo: ‘It’s not working.’
      Me: ‘I realise that.’

  8. Catherine Burden (@AlwaysARedhead)

    Middle child was the only one who liked and wanted ‘dummies’, I hated them. You could never find them and when you did they were dirty. Plus, she literally starting to eat them, holes everywhere, I should have bought shares in the company because I was buying new ones daily. Finally I just tossed them but she wouldn’t sleep so I ended up having to rub her forehead for weeks, may have been months, until finally I just said no to that too.

  9. Michelle

    We gave our children’s dummies to the ducks (you see loads of ducks with dummies round here. Can’t move for ducks with dummies). Bit of trouble them getting to sleep but then slept all the way through. I didn’t see it affecting their sleep at all. Good Luck.

  10. ouremuk66

    We always left it to Christmas time and left all the dummies for the baby reindeer, along with milk and cookies etc. The book The Last Noo Noo by Jill Murphy was a favourite in our house but could backfire if Moo thinks dummies will actually grow on trees :-/ Dummies only for falling asleep probably do a lot less damage than thumb-sucking, my eldest decided to replace one with the other which was really tough. And just to add to the mix my wee Moo is now 6 and grinds her teeth badly – her dentist has actually said using a dummy would be less harmful! So, now you’re totally confused, I’d just say go with your gut: if you think she’s a bit young then leave it a while. It’s not like you’re giving her bottles of juice. It could be a lot worse.

    • motherventing

      LOL not totally confused, it always helps to hear what other people have done in similar situations :) thanks for sharing, hope your Moo gets over the teeth grinding – I did that when I was little and would have horrendous jaw ache in the day – but eventually stopped, don’t know why, it just phased out!

  11. chooksandroots

    My eldest had one till he was about three. After a routine visit from the health visitor (a pre school thing? I can’t remember) we told him that the nurse had said he was much too old, and he had to give them away to children who don’t have any. He collected them all up – amazing how many were squirrelled away and he knew where they all were – put them in a bag and never asked for them again. And we’d worked ourself up for the trauma, and everything!

    • motherventing

      I guess at 3 they understand a bit more than they do at 2 and a half… I’m happy to wait it out a bit and see what happens, also I’m talking to her now about giving up the dummies so it’s not such a huge shock when they do go! Glad you had no trauma :)

  12. TK

    Hey, don’t worry – kids can outgrow everything. I would suggest offering an ice lolly or lollipop, but that would create a bigger monster, right? Good luck!

  13. mascara & mud

    So I have two bois, both absolutely loved the bloody dummies. The eldest dropped his in the loo whilst having a wee. We told him that was the end of that. We prepared ourselves for the worst night ever…he never asked for it. We thought we’d ‘gently’ nudge our youngest on the back of his head whilst he took a wee, but we didn’t have to. He just lost it…and so again we prepared ourselves for the worst night ever…but he never asked for it!!…point of my really (shit) story? Just try it…you never know…x

    • motherventing

      Ha! Love the idea of ‘helping’ them to lose it, I’m hoping Moo is like your boys and doesn’t stress about it… ahaha (no chance) ;) thanks m’love x

  14. Anne

    I took my son’s dummies away when he turned three. Or rather, the Dummy Fairy did and left him some new toy cars. After a couple of days he didn’t look back, but bedtimes were harder for about a week.

  15. Bibsey Mama (@BibseyMama)

    Ah. Understand this completely. With Bibs it was the bottle. And I was totally terrified of the trauma of cold turkey because, guess what, she was sleeping nicely with one. Mr B and I could hear her sucking on it throughout the night (water not milk fyi) and I would panic about dentist bills of Christmas future. Anyway, I did the whole bottle fairy thing and gave her a horse (red space hopper in shape of the ugliest nag you have ever seen) to replace the bottle. I think it took about a week for her to settle completely and not mention the bottle. Happy days now. Wish I had done it earlier. We ditched the bottle about a month before she was three. Couldn’t cope with the SIL disapproval etc…

    Good luck. You will both be fine. x

    • motherventing

      Thanks BM. I’m pretty sure I’m making a big thing out of nothing (as per usual), it just struck me yesterday how she CRAVES her dummies, and that’s a bit freaky. Dunno. Am hoping if I talk about getting rid of them now, it might sink in a bit and then soon she’ll be ready to do it herself x

  16. The 40 year old

    I have the same issue. The Monster is nearly 2.5 and has a dummy at night. Same reason, sleeps like a good un. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Maybe send to FAther Christmas in exchange for presents? I’m going to read every one of your comments closely.

  17. Victoria Naudi

    Ah hell, I am so there with you. My daughter turned two yesterday. I have spent the last two years saying that I’ll get rid of them when she’s two, but I am way too scared to do that now – she is terrifying when I take her precious away from her. So I’m going for the ‘keep them till she’s 26′ option :)

  18. Jen

    My cousin did the elves take the dummies for sick children thing too. Worked brill. My daughter is a thumbsucker and dreading trying to wean her off it! I was terrible! Stop and Grow was useless. I just wiped it off or got used to the taste!

  19. No Blog Intended

    I had a dummy for like ages, and look at what I’ve become. Better take them away! ;)
    No, seriously, I can still remember crying after throwing them away. Which means I must have been 4 or 5 at least. And yes, I’ve cried, and probably tried a few times before I could throw them away. I remember trying to get them back, but they were gone. In fact my parents took them away and hid them.
    You can grow out of anything. It might be hard (I still remember those tears…), but really, I grew out of every childhood addiction, including the stuffed animals.
    It’s all just a matter of timing.
    Just one more thing: watch out for her teeth. I’m not sure but it might have an effect on them, so take care. Though everything will turn back to normal as soon as you throw the dummies away. I’m saying this just in case. But it will all be fine :).

  20. Emily

    Dunno about dummies as my kids didn’t have them but I made JD go cold turkey on boob at 2 years 2 months and he only hated me for 3 days.

  21. Manderloo

    This could have been written by me a year ago. My wee girl was a great sleeper, I was convinced that if I took away her dummies, which she only used in bed, she’d be up all hours and I couldn’t cope with that.

    So I waited. Ignored it. Told her dad to shut it when he raises the issue. Eventually when she was just a few months over four I raised the issue with her.
    She agreed that it wasn’t something that big girls do and decided she wanted to send them to the baby unicorns. (God knows where that came from) I was v surprised at the agreement and we made a countdown chart. So 10 sleeps later she will be rid of the dummy.
    We crossed the sleeps off one by one. On the final day we packaged up the dummies and posted them to the baby unicorns.
    After school as a tray she got her favourite tea then went to bed as proud as punch
    Slept thru, no awful nighttime waking.
    She spent the next few days telling everyone she could see that she had got rid of the dummy

    The dummies were actually sent to my neat mate, who made a card from the baby unicorns and sent it to my wee one. That card is never far from her side!

    Wait it out and do it when she’s ready to reason with, bribe, lie to about baby unicorns…
    That’s my advice!

  22. Hazel

    There is only one way to do this. The dummies have to go, never to be seen again. Dress it up however you like, my daughter on her 3rd birthday put it in a wee bag and hung it on a tree in the back garden for the dummy fairy and next day found a small present – stickers, sweets, whatever lights her fire. Then she knew they were gone.The first night will probably be hard. Just stay with her, stroke her, reassure her, or whatever best calms her (apart from a dummy!), She WILL eventually go to sleep. Next night will be a bit easier, etc. Just have faith. She can sleep without a dummy. I know you are thinking ‘But No, Moo LOVES her dummy more than any other child, it will be much harder for her.’ That is what we all think, but seriously she will forget it, Lots of talk of being a big girl now, etc. Get rid of any dummies in the house so you aren’t tempted to cave. Deep breath, you’ll be fine. Incidentally I have two girls aged 5 and 7. The 5 year old had a dummy and now sleeps perfectly. The 7 year old sucked her thumb, you can’t take those away – she still sucks it and it is affecting her teeth. Dummies really aren’t so bad.

    • motherventing

      The ‘dummy fairy’ plan seems to be a recurring theme here, definitely one I will talk about and see if she takes it on board. Thanks for your comment, it’s good to know I’m not alone :)

  23. Amanda Egan (mummy misfit)

    I was sooooooo anti dummies! So what did I do? I became a ‘human dummy’ for a year and breast fed whenever he needed shutting up – friends commented on his 1st birthday, ‘Oh so that’s what he looks like – we never get to see him ‘cos he’s always under your top!’ Who was the dummy there?! Yep, me.
    He then went on to have bottles, or ‘MULK’ as he would say in the voice of the devil, until he was about three and a half, whenever he woke up in the middle of the night. Not ideal but don’t we do anything when desperate?
    I’d say, don’t panic. We all do what we do, for whatever reasons and things usually turn out OK in the end. Very few uni students suck dummies! Although I DID suck my thumb until 15. So who am I to talk? I’m OK now though! Oh and 17 year old son sleeps through the night too :)

    • motherventing

      OK I won’t panic *panics immediately* You know me, I worry about everything and this blog is the perfect way for everyone to reassure me without me feeling like a massive loser ;) I have no doubt Moo will be OK, I just want to avoid all the stress…! (who doesn’t?) Thanks for your comment x

  24. Laura (@Chez Mummy)

    I found that ‘the dummy fairy’ worked wonders. The fairy collects dummies to give to babies and leaves a nice present instead. If you can get Moo to agree to that then it might work

  25. twoundertwotoo

    My friend had a ‘dummy fairy’ (half cousin of the tooth fairy I believe) who they left her kids dummies out for overnight, and ‘she’ took them to little babies that needed them. Because big kids don’t need them but babies do. But the clincher was the present she left from her and the babies to say thank you – no idea what but something her kid wanted lots – worked a treat.
    Has to be willingly though; she has to want to give her dummies to the needy little babies and know that she gets a big kid present for being so generous! Even if she’s not bowled over by the idea, might be worth planting the seed to see if she goes for it further down the line?

    • motherventing

      Good plan, someone else has mentioned preparing them months in advance so if I start talking about it now, it might not be as painful as I anticipate when I eventually pluck up the courage to do it! Great advice, thank you :)

  26. helvetiahandmade

    Both my kids were the same. And gave them up between 2 1/2 and 3. When Christmas was coming we said that now there were getting older Father Christmas needed to take them for the poorly babies, and in return he would give an extra special gift to them. It blummin worked, both times! We started talking about it months and months before to prepare them and they just accepted it.

  27. Charlie Williamson

    I’ll be watching the replies with interest. My youngest is 3 and still has hers for bed. She scares me! It’s amazing how much power these tiny people wield. I’ve heard of people taking them to build a bear and getting the dummies put inside the bear but I have visions of my little monster ripping her new teddy to shreds with her teeth. Dummies are crack for kids. Fact.

  28. LagosMum

    When you know what to do or how to do it, please tell me. I’m having serious issues as well!

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