Help
I am rrrrrrrrubbish at maths. Me and numbers, we don’t get along. They push all up in my face and make me itch and CONFUSE me with their fiddly-diddly numbering and multiplications and fancy-shmancy divisionals. Bleargh. Simply, I don’t do maths. Nope. This is why CALCULATORS were born, innit? And occasionally, if I need to do some urgent mathematicals, I just ask. I ask for help. I have no qualms about admitting I don’t do maths. ‘I can do WORDS,’ I intone, ‘words are MUCH FRIENDLIER and more comfortable and don’t SPIKE me so much.’ And then I get loads of sympathy and people absolutely do my maths for me. Hoopla!
See, no trouble asking for help with maths. None at all. I’ll do it right now – HELP ME HEEEEEELP MEEEEEE WITH THE EVIL SOUL-DESTROYING MATHS! Tada! Nice and clear intent, simple message, good emphasis. You got it, yeah?
Good. Go me!
Huh.
So why can’t I do it for other areas of my life?
Why can’t I say to someone, anyone, ‘Help, I need help, I’m struggling, I feel sad and alone, I’m so bored and freaking out, please help me, please just talk to me, or check I’m OK, please’?
And the STUPID THING IS, I deleted that sentence and rewrote it a few times to make it sound less needy. Fucksake.
I’m an idiot, essentially. I have excellent friends and a totes shawesomeballs family. They rock. I luff them lots. I KNOW I can rely on them for all the support, love, advice, and company I may need. I know this, and I’ve received a lot of that good stuff in the past. I just can’t ASK for it. I hate bothering people. I worry that they’ll feel obliged to help me, while muttering under their breath about how self-involved I am, and then I worry that they think I don’t appreciate them enough, when I do, I really absolutely totally do, and I am so grateful to everyone who ever helps me, ever. I feel, sometimes, like I have to persevere, and endure, because that’s what life is, and I should just quit moaning, get on and do it.
I’m a single mum. I do the parenting thing, on my own, for the best part of the week. It’s difficult and tiring and, haha, sometimes, almost as bad as doing maths. The relentlessness of playgroups, toddler groups, the supermarket, tidying up felt-tip fucking pens, wiping clean a shit-encrusted arse, feeding, bath time, pushing the buggy, hoovering up bits of crushed chalk, finding stickers in my knickers, having Cbeebies on for what feels like forever, finding fridge magnets in my bed, putting away, washing, hoovering, wiping, tidying, carrying, pushing, fucking-shitting-hula-hooping, why the fuck did I buy her a hula hoop… yeah. It’s full on. Sure, it’s not dodging bullets or fighting off sea monsters, but y’know.
The rewards are obvious. I have a beautiful, funny, gregarious daughter. I would do all the above, and more, and even more, and backwards, blindfolded, if it meant she was happy and healthy and having fun. Just sometimes, y’know, I need to acknowledge that it’s HARD on my own.
Despite me writing all this, I am not likely ever to admit to needing help. And I’d like to reiterate, I am NOT asking for help right now. The last few days I’ve needed to, badly, but I made it through. I’ve been busy, kept occupied, distracted my stupid brain and had a fucking good cry when I’ve needed to. I’ve set myself some personal goals. I’ve listened to the advice of some sage and learned people. I’ve managed to keep on top of the housework WHICH IS A FUCKING MIRACLE. See? Me no need help. Unless it’s for maths. Can anyone do my maths?
What I’m TRYING to say, in a roundabout-ish sorta way, is, don’t be a dumbarse like me. If you think you need help, ASK for some. There’s no shame in asking. Ever. If you have people around you who care, then ask them for help. It could be all they need to do is listen as you admit to feeling scared, or sad, or lonely. I told someone today that I felt like shite and, funnily enough, felt better for it. Once the words had crept past my lips it was like I’d expelled them. Magic. Sure, it doesn’t solve everything but at least it’s not bottled up inside me where the most damage is done. Admission counts. Fo sho.
Please do my maths.
Do you find it difficult asking for help? What stops you? What would you never ask for help with?
Hahaha just had a giggle! Really really funny
Thanks for stopping by
Asking for help is not at all easy as it is. I’ve felt the urge to really really get help this time a few times in my life (mannn, it sounds like I’m old or something
) but mostly I didn’t.
For the maths, yes. But there’s more to life than maths.
Hope you’re doing well though, and if any help is needed, you can always ask. Though it will be difficult to help, seeing the fact we live miles apart from each other, all of us, it will make you feel better.
Perhaps.
You’re so young and wise. And beautiful. Thank you – it is actually helpful to have people offer help even though they can’t actually physically help, if that makes sense…
It does!
.
Distributing mental support and mental pie is my hobby after all
YES! PIE! PIE! YES!
Here ya go: *lots, LOTS of pie*
*with candles*
*and much sugar*
*duh*
*eats all the pie* *blows you a sugary kiss* You’re my favourite Belgian person, ever.
I have a maths degree and I can bake!
Can I be of any use?!!
You can be MY LIFE GURU WITH THE MATHS AND THE BAKING. Sorted. Thank you
Useless at maths. Sorry. Good at other stuff. But I suspect, like you, I am not that good at asking for help. You’re good people MoVo. You should just ask.
I know. I’m kind of expecting all people to be mind readers, which is silly, as that’s not possible. But I am trying. I’m lucky to have wonderful people in my life.
I am the ‘helper’ I like to be there for everyone else. I am rubbish at accepting help when needed. But I am brilliant at giving it. Occasionally I like to surprise everyone I know by having in their eyes ‘unforeseen calamities’ in life, because I have not told people things are shitty. It’s not just about not liking to admit I need help, it’s also about being more open about my feelings than is natural for someone as insular as me. Hmm. Haven’t done badly here tho, I am cured, I am a sharer, GO ME! Now, about my ingrowing pubic hair…..is that too much sharing?!?
Man alive. Tweezers and a magnifying mirror. Just trust me. Anyway. I’m glad you like helping people, and thanks for sharing! MY WORK HERE IS DONE.
I’m good at maths. I like maths. Want me to do your maths?
You can do ALL my maths.
I must admit that I’m quite lucky my MIL spent as much time alone as I have while Dave worked. I didn’t need to ask for help and she was taking Ben for walks and forcing me out of the house.
4 weeks has been hard enough so you are basically super woman innit.
Nah, not super woman, far from it. I think I’ve had a tough time lately and everything has weighed upon me a bit more than usual. But I should ask for help if I need it. I have lovely people in my life who would be there for me.
But they won’t know you need them unless you tell them. Catch 22. I have no issue asking for help. I didn’t have more than 6 hours away from Ben for a year, and I’ve never been away from him overnight. I deserve the help now. :p Plus I have a bruised cheek from a head on toddler collision.
On a lighter note, I’m also good at maths. I like maths. I got bored at work once and started doing differentiation, integration and quadratic equations FOR FUN!
You crazy lady! For FUN? Madness.
I hate asking for help. I farking loathe it. With a passion. I see it as a weakness in me yet if one of my friends asks for help, since I know how much I HATE asking for help, I see them as strong. What’s that all about?!
It means we’re extremely silly and we should know better. Try asking!
I totally hate math too. It’s the worst and it’s dumb. That whole paragraph I was like “AMEN SISTER!!! HALLELUJAH!” As I read on, I was literally nodding to myself. Asking is hard, harder than math (or geography or science or gym, which are also dumb). Lets all vow to ASK, shall we?
Yeah baby! Asking is cool. All the cool kids do it. Even the uncool kids do it. But don’t do geography. That’s NOT cool.
Movo, Movo, Movo life is tough and i can only imagine how tough it is for single parents, you included. I’d probably fall apart! So let me say this; You my dear are AMAZEBALLS, your doing a fab job and theres nothing wrong to put your hands up and say “This life bollocks is hard” Because it bloody well is! Im sending you mahoosive love and hugs for whenever you need them! Cant help you with the maths though as im struggling myself on level 1 HaHa!!! xxxxx
LOLOLOL thanks m’dear, life’s tough and then you have kids, innit. Thanks for the hugz xxx
Bwah ha ha!!! Stickers in yer knickers! Ohhhh I remember those days. So cute! Go Moo!
As for the help: oh yeah, me too you know. On all counts, not that we’re counting, ’cause we can’t do maths. And who wants to? Maths is shite and soulless. And it’s all about the words and the music and the songs we’re singing. and all the joy we’re bringing. In the words of Will.I.Am. Everybody say Hell Yeah! Hlll yurrrrrr.
Silence. Tumbleweed. *cough*
My friend said this to me the other week. Not my only friend. I have several, but we’ve done the counting thing already *sits on fingers* I’m there for people and get offended if people don’t ask. But I’ll go out of my way to not only not ask but also not accept help. And that makes me (and indeed you) a numpty-face. But I’ll not change. Good luck to you if you can
Good to see you back, by the way. About blinkin’ time.xx
Oi numpty-face. If I can change then so can you. Innit. In fact, you NEED help, if only to stop you quoting effing Will.I.Am in blog post comments *eyes you sternly* So STOP THAT NOW. There, that’s me helping you. Consider yourself HELPED. PAHAHAHAHA xx
Yeah that wasn’t very cool, or sick, of bad of me was it? This kind of help I will most definitely accept. Thank you! Wasn’t so hard, see? And I’ll stick to quoting Dylan or Neil Diamond in the future. Yeah, hipster cred restored! Fanx m’dear!
xx
LMAO you’re WELCOME
xx
I’ve always viewed it as a sodding weakness. Getting better at asking for help and expressing myself. You’re a wonderful person movo! It is hard fucking work parenting, especially on your own. Don’t ever be afraid to ask though, it’s better than the alternative of a downwards spiral.
I’ve always struggled with this myself. I am getting slightly better at asking for help or expressing how crap I’m feeling. I’ve come to realise the bottling up thing doesn’t really work now that I have the monster around because I don’t want to take my frustrations out on him or be upset/cross all the time, because he picks up on it.
I’ve come to realise too asking for help isn’t a weakness and if you have people around you willing to help, embrace it.
Good point. I hate feeling stressed because, inevitably – like you say – I take it out on Moo. That’s not good. Embracing the help is way better! Thanks for commenting
Stupid WordPress. Sorry for the two comment thing. You’re welcome
I think you’re bloomin fab anyways I’m @emilymorgan88 on twitter. You’re new gusher pahah that sounds wrong
Oh please, I do like a gush *SAUCY KLAXON*
MOVO! WOOP!
I hate maths too, it bores me to tears. And I kind of know what you mean about the asking for help thing, I often end up sticking my head in the sand about things.
Life is great, right?
Life’s a peach, m’dear. And what’s with all the fucking MATHS??
I hate asking for help. Hate it. And I need it at the moment too. Silly isn’t it?
Ask. What’s the worst that could happen? Nothing insurmountable. Can I do anything?
Honestly there are days when fighting sea monster would be preferable to enduring yet another “please god just put on your shoes or my head will implode” moment. So you rock, and little Moo rocks too because she is an awesome child. Please ask for help, honestly for me spending time focussing on someone else is actually helpful, so you would be helping me. So you asking me for help, thats helping me, therefore I’m asking you for help, hmm, make sense, possibly not.
Anyway you know where I am, and you know I am honest.
You’re brilliant, thank you. And thanks for saying Moo is awesome, cos she is