Hello! And, erm, goodbye.
This is going to be my last post, on this blog, for a long while, maybe forever. I’ve been agonising a while about blogging and asking myself why I’m doing it, and I can’t answer that any more without feeling like I’m forcing something that isn’t there, or isn’t happening easily any more, and is becoming a chore, and is kind of leaving me empty rather than full of yay-woop-woop-wahoooooo-a-go-go like it used to. Does that make sense? No? Shit.
Look, I love blogging. I love motherventing. It’s been a total blast. I’ve met some great people. Had some good times. Posted some awesome stuff, even if I do say so myself, and I want to clarify now that I am NOT deleting the blog, it will remain passive but online till I can work out how to utilise my blogging skillz and take over the world. So if you’re lonely one night and really, really want to read about my periods, or my dubious solo dildo-based personal lovemaking, or gaze rapturously at my naked photos, or make yourself feel better by recalling how shit my life got at some points, then by all means, do. I ain’t gonna stop you. Be my guest!
Readers, I love y’all. I am so insanely pleased that I managed to acquire and maintain an actual readership, and if it wasn’t for you lot, I’d have farked off ages ago. I hope no one thinks I’m a noob for bowing out so gracelessly but I feel motherventing has reached an end and it really absolutely totally is time to go. Once I’d made the decision all I felt was relief and I think that’s a pretty good indication that I’ve made the correct choice.
It will be uber-hard to let go, I have no illusions about that. Consequently, I am offering myself as a guest blogger, should anyone wish to have me thrust myself upon their blog every now and again. I am a writer, and a blogger, at heart, and I NEED to keep my creative juices spaffing, without the enormous task of keeping my own blog running. And it IS an enormous task – at my peak, I was blogging at least once a day, as well as replying to comments, reading and commenting on other people’s blogs, and promoting myself on Twitter – and yes, talking crap on Twitter is promoting oneself, innit – and it all got a bit otherworldly. It’s not my living, it’s a hobby. Hobbies should be fun. Sadly, motherventing stopped being fun. This way, I can free myself up to work on other projects which might end up being more fruitful.
One thing I will say – it could be advice, but never let it be said that I know anything about something – is that in retrospect, I made this blog too personal. I wrote about people and relationships that should have been kept private. At the time I believed I had a right to record situations and their effect on me with impunity. I kinda wish I hadn’t now. It’s not fair. The fallout has been deeper and more lasting than I could’ve thought. Conversely, and rather meanly, I don’t think I can be true to myself if I DON’T write about such things. It’s a vicious circle, and one I’ve been caught in for a long while. It’s time for me to look after myself emotionally for a change. Gawd knows I need to.
Ack, here I am rambling on, you’re probably waiting for me to shut the fark up. OK. Look. I’m still on Twitter, I’ll still read and comment on my favourite blogs, I’ll still write things for other bloggy folk, and who knows, one day, I might come back in a new, improved guise, and blow y’all away with my shmexy rhetoric and insightful witticisms. Ahem. Maybe.
Readers. From the bottom of my bottom, thank you. For everything.
My beautiful daughter, the incomparable Moo, is awake, and demands my attention. And as you know, she is VERY demanding. So I’ll say goodbye.
I will miss you loads.
*retreats into castle*