Tantrums
Help. Oh, help. I seem to have bred a tiny, tornado-fuelled, proper little madam.
Y’know how I told you Moo had dropped her nap? Yeah? And it’s been a challenging time for us recently? Mmhmm? Well, I was downplaying it a bit. IT’S MUCH WORSE THAN THAT. Lately, Moo has changed. Once a sweet dainty baby, now a pocket toddler with attitude. She’s sometimes – frequently – horrible. I am literally actually admitting that on occasion, I don’t even LIKE her very much, cos she’s mean to me and has nasty tantrums and I’m just tired of it all. Innit.
I can’t be the only one to notice this. Toddlers DO this, right? This is them changing from baby-lovely to toddler-mare, unless I’m mistaken – what the initiated refer to as ‘the Terrible Twos’? For the love of Jeezus. MOO IS NOT EVEN TWO YET. Not for another 2 months. This is so unfair. She had to be all ADVANCED and get the demonic behaviour in there early, didn’t she. Obvs she has inherited my hatred of being late for anything. Much to my detriment, it seems. Bah.
So the tantrums. She strops when she doesn’t want to sit in the buggy, when she doesn’t want to walk, when I can’t carry her AND push the buggy, when we get to the park and the swings are already in use, when there are no available spades and/or buckets in the sandpit, when I don’t buy her a biscuit from the park café, when we don’t go to Co-op, when we do go to Co-op, when I change her nappy, when I say it’s bath time, when it’s bed time, when she wakes up, when I go to have a shower and have to leave her alone for TWO FARKING MINUTES, etc etc I could go on.
Bless her. I know why she’s doing it. It’s not cos she’s testing boundaries, or going through a clingy phase, or asserting her independence, or any of that shite. It’s cos she’s a farking drama queen and wants to cause a scene. She’s actually doing it ON PURPOSE cos she knows it pisses me off. That’s how VINDICTIVE she is. Saves it all up for somewhere nice and public, then lets rip with unearthly screeches and wails, and contorts her body into supernatural positions so that it looks like I’m tying her in knots whereas I am in fact attempting to ferry her home safely so that she can explode in the confines of our own home. I have begun to watch her when we’re out, like one would watch a ticking bomb, just counting down the seconds until the tantrumic blast rips through the soft play centre and I have to lever Moo’s writhing form out of a circle of shocked, open-mouthed mothers, while their own perfectly behaved offspring play peacefully in the background.
My current method of tantrum management involves sitting it out if we’re at home, and removing her from the present location if we’re out. Is this correct? Is that what I should be doing? I’m BLIND on this one, folks, especially as when Moo kicks off, my instinct is to scream wordlessly back at her, tear off my blouse to reveal the words ‘WHY? WHY, MOO, WHY?’ inked onto my chest in red marker pen, and sob relentlessly into a ditch, until she goes away. I have a feeling that’s frowned upon, though.
Yeah, I know it’s a phase, and it will pass, and she’ll be a really pleasant person when she’s like, 38, or whatever, but I am hoping for some good times between then and now. Please share some wisdom, or at least let me know I’m not alone, by telling me about your devilish toddlers?
Or, I’ll set Moo on you. *readies the catapult*
I think it’s a marvellous sign of intelligence that she is saving her tantrums until you are in the public arena, therefore maximising effect and consequential result. Why would she waste her bestest drama for an audience of one? The girl’s aiming big. She got skills.
She’s my girl. ‘Course she has drama skillz. But how can I use these skillz for my own devices? *plots*
I’m sure if you wanted to pursue a career in crime she would provide great cover for you to become a shoplifting supreme…
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news – but if Moo is like The Boy, these early ‘Terrible Twos’ are a precursor for more Doom. The actual Terrible Twos are erm, more terrible. I thought we’d hit them early. But no. Actually, that was nothing.
You are absolutely not alone! I have, on occasion, thought about swapping him for another, more well behaved child. Think Hubs might notice though …
*Disclaimer – I would never actually swap my child for another – he may be the devil incarnate, but he is mine, and occasionally quite lovely.*
Xx
No! Nooooooo! Ah you doom maiden. Burst my bubble, why don’tcha. Yeah I know it’ll get worse, I can see plenty of potential in Moo’s tantrums so I’m trying to enforce a ‘system’ of dealing with them now, so when it does get uber-hairy I can pretend I at least know what I’m doing. Ack. Eek. Thanks. *weeps* Thanks so much…
xx
My middle daughter would have massive meltdowns and throw herself back cracking her head onto the floor! I very quickly learnt the art of catching her with my foot mid-throw, safely lay her on the floor, step over her and contiune what I was doing. I say let them scream it out. No point trying to reason/bribe/plead with them as they are too involved in ther own melodramatics to take notice. Sometimes she can (now nearly 5)throw monumental tantrums and all I can do is stand back and admire as she has got some skillz! Good luck.
LOL thank you. My sit-it-out approach seems to be working so far. She does try to bite me and head butt me which is awful but I just make sure she can’t. Liking your nifty foot work, btw. Thanks for commenting
Darling, you are not alone! Just last weekend I told my four year old that I would no longer speak to her because she was being such an arse. It soon changed her tune. And yes, it means that there are times when I don’t like her even though I’d lie in the path of an oncoming train for her. What the fuck is that all about?
Dunno. Drives me MENTALISSIMO. Being a parent is bad for your brains
I’ve never been able to relate to a blog post like I can relate to this one!
My daughter has just turned 3 and this exact thing has been going on for a while now, she stops for a few weeks, then suddenly, the demon is back and dragging me to hell.
I have the same approach as you have, and the naughty spot works well (better than the naughty chair and step weirdly)
But at the age of 3, she’s now learnt to talk back. Oh gosh. It comes with screaming “NOOO” Back at me, or saying things like, “No mum, you’re the naughty one, you go to the naughty spot” She’s even developed this demanding side where she “needs” everything, and is extremely impatient!
I’m honestly not even sure how to stop this, but I’m just hoping it’s a phase and she’ll grow out of it over time. Either that or she has multiple personalities considering one second she’s hugging me and repeatedly saying, “Mum, I love you, I love you mum” The next she’s screaming at me……
Crikey that sounds like hard work
I guess the consolation is that it’s just a phase, unfortunately when you’re going through it, it’s not easy to tell yourself that. I think you’re doing the right things, if that helps!
Oh it does, thank you
It’s harder because I’m on my own really, but ah well! She will grow out if it, I know it’s just one of those “pushing buttons” kind of thing 
I’m on my own too. We’re doing SPLENDIDLY. Innit.
Damn right!
Whenever the kids pulled a tantrum or were just not listening, I would give them a time-out but the time-out was always in the room where the activity was going on. This way they could see what they were missing. I found by putting my kids in their room, they would just go to sleep (I had sleepers). Anyways I did have great success with the in-the-same-room time-outs.
Thank you, that’s a good idea. I think seeing as Moo is still quite little it might just infuriate her more than show her what she’s missing, but it’s def something I’ll bear in mind.
My Little miss has a terrible attitude at the moment. She’s three so a little older than Moo, the tantrums are horrid and I’m so fed up of them. I blogged about it myself a week or so a go if you other fancy a gander. No anwers I’m afraid but at least you will realise you’re not alone! xxx
Thanks missus, I’ll take a look
xx
From the experience of having two children go through this and one currently at this stage (Ah!!!), mine have had these “can’t do anything with them” tantrums up until they’ve started school full time!
When I’m working, I usually teach year 5 and Year 6 (and love this age group!). After one maternity leave, I was moved to a Year 1 and Year 2 class, I really enjoyed it also, so last time I was off work I thought I’d set up my own PlayGroup, so I could work full time and spend time with my three year old.
I hated it. I have never met such a group of single minded, stubborn, selfish people in my life- yes, two to four year olds!
Of course , there were some lovely moments too and the kids were lovely individually, but if they wanted to do something, boy would they do it…and if they didn’t want to, then there was no way they were going too! I found it so frustrating and really applaud and respect the lovely Playgroup Leaders who have taught my own children. I wish i had their patience! (actually maybe they are gritting their teeth behind their smiles like I was!)
My lovely youngest is nearly nine months old, she is perfect, but I know one day the “demonic behaviour” will probably get to her too!
I’m trying my best to shield her from this. Can good overcome evil?
My oldest are lovely now (with occasional frustrations and tantrums when life is SO unfair and they’re not allowed to “play 18 games on Daddy’s XBox” etc -but we all still have these, don’t we when we feel life isn’t going our way?!
)
My three year old does it to wind me up too! I try to ignore her when I can and it is safe! Then talk it through with her once the demons seem to have left her because nothing goes in when she’s in the midst of a tantrum.
Good luck! (if all else fails could she go and live with Dad until she’s in Full time school? lol) Time out is good though, it’s almost like at this age, they need a little bit of time away from us, as much as we do from them.
Good job we love them!
Claire
Hmm. Can I send her to boarding school? No? Damn.
You are lucky. H started his at about 18 months! And they have got WORSE damnit. And my so-called friends tell me the threes are worse again! Now how can I persuade the GP to give me some vallium?
I’ve walked out of supermarkets with a kicking and screaming child tossed over my shoulder more times than I can remember now. Plus the older two both started practising to be 2 well before they got there too :/ I’ve run the gamut of responses from ignoring them to screaming along with them (the theory being that it showed them how silly they were being and it generally made DD, the worst offender, laugh). Only have to go through it all one more time though, oh joy.
Isn’t it horrendous how embarrassing it is, though. We live so close to our local supermarket that we’re in there a lot. If Moo throws a strop while we’re shopping, I have to face the same staff members the next day! Cringe o’clock :S
Mine doesn’t do the screaming yet (well, apart from when we go swimming, and then it’s more of an extremely loud moan for the 30 minutes we’re in the pool), but he likes to do the run and hide in shop windows, and the sitting down when he doesn’t want to walk any further. Usually right in front of someone who’s not noticed and will walk straight into him (pre-kids that would have been me, extremely pissed off and muttering). Now I just turn my back and ignore him, sneaking looks back to check that he’s not got up and wandered the other direction. He’s a couple of months behind Moo, so expect I’ve got more to come.
Maybe she’ll get the tantrums over by the age of 2 and then turn into an angel?!
Hey Vent
Not wanting to be a downer but my youngest is now 8 bright as a button and beautiful but still can act like a terible 2 and rule the roust and ruin a whole day, it’s hard but they still are the best !
Good luck !
*weeps*
You are beyond funny, and have made my day! I must admit I have tried everything from calm ignoring of tantrums… to egging them on. i.e ‘Come on that is not your best screaming, you can do much louder than that!’ I haven’t found a cure, but for age…. they do come through the other side at the age of four they become their sweet better selves again… But I won’t promise it before. Like anna above says, they become mood little know it all’s awfully early. My daughter started with the ‘You don’t understand!’ and the distainful looks just after turning eight, but maybe Moo will be a later start,w ell, I can hope for you. I think take it with a sense of humour is all you can do… and chocolate. I blame my expanding waist line of my two year old… I made it through five pregnancies, but the terrible twos, well, I’ll tackle one issue at a time.
Egging them on sounds fun… that’s my competitive side sorted as well…! Thanks for reading and commenting
The good news is in about a year she’ll be sweet again, and anyway you’ll be able to shove her into pre school for a couple of hours each day. The bad is that when she’s around 9 it will all start again, only worse because by then she’ll be nearly as big as you, far trendier than you and have a Jesse J fringe to scowl at you from under. For like Terrible Twos, adolescence starts early with this heedless generation. Our only hope is our 50s.
Now I just want to cry into a cushion. *cries into a cushion*
Oh no. I remember this phase. *Cringes* It is possible to love your child and not like them at the same time. It does pass but not soon enough. My kiddos seemed to reach the “I’m a total crazy person” phase at about three instead of two, but it was still horrendous. Sometimes the best thing to do is to walk away, at least when your at home. If you let her know she’s gotten to you, she’ll keep doing it. Kids are manipulative like that. I feel for you, I really do. *Sending Hugs*
Thank you. Hard though, innit, to NOT let it get to you. Sometimes feels so personal. But you’re right, it’ll pass, just have to grit my teeth and bear it!
Wait until the phase when the kids start back talking you. It’s great. *Hides under pillow*
*runs away* *doesn’t look back*
Ha. I feel your pain. I try to pretend my Moo belongs to someone else. With varying degrees of success. Plus, my 5 year old boy threw one last week, so I have at least 3 years left.
Oh gawd
The best fuel for a tantrum is an audience. Make sure she’s safe then walk away. My son had the mother of all tantrums in Woolworths (that’s how long ago!). I walked away. The screaming suddenly stopped, he came hurtling through the shop to find me and never ever had another tantrum again. Sorted
Good plan. *wonders if Co-op staff will look after Moo*
Put my misbehaving toddler in his room this morning. We now need to put the door back on its hinge. He actually snapped a screw in half and pulled the bottom hinge out slamming the door shut against his stair gate He’s 2. Heaven help us when he’s a teenager!
Good grief!
Lily went through a phase of hating her buggy. Many a time I had to physically wrestle her into it, with her screaming & trying to kick me, then wheel it through town on its back wheels due to the thrashing, flailing demon having a major meltdown.
Lily started her phase after her 1st birthday. My aunt helpfully pointed out that this is when she entered her “second year” & that terrible twos would actually continue until she turned three. This isn’t in the manual, of course. Good luck!!! :-/
DAMN THE MANUAL
I hateed tantrum with spawn number one, she throws them so well. Hurls herself to floot shout ‘No mummy, nooo’. Used to make me red and sweaty with fear of going out. Then one day I laughed at her, because it’s rediculous. She stopped straight away. Hardly had any since then, we now use the ‘Oh you so silly harr harr’ tactic on spawn 2. Seems to work. Till one of them gets smart, I’m clinging to it.
That’s a good idea. I’ve not thought of that. I shall just LAUGH at her. And invite other people to laugh at her! No wait, that sounds mean
Sometimes I point too.
Yeah! Give ‘em marks out of 10?