Improvisation
I’ve done a lot of amateur dramatics, innit. I’ve worked with a lot of directors. There’s two types of director: ‘blockers’ and ‘wankers’. A blocker doesn’t mess around. They just block the farking play. Tell you where to stand, when to sit, and, erm, how to fall over, maybe. A wanker, meanwhile, despite the nomenclature, doesn’t show you where, when and how to wank; rather, they initially forgo the blocking in favour of analysing the text, character work and pretty much fannying around.
At my last rehearsal there was quite a bit of wanking and fannying. We did some improvisation. Ack. I hate improvising. Gimme a script and I’ll act my extraordinary arse off. Tell me to improvise a scene and I’ll curl up in a ball and weep quietly in the corner. Farking hate it. I feel like a tit. I say all the wrong stuff, and then worry that the director is looking at me and thinking, ‘Wow, that’s totally not what I envisaged the character to be like, Jeezus I made a mistake casting her, now I’m stuck with this tit who can’t even improvise, man alive the whole play is RUINED’.
OK that’s a bit dramatic, but this is DRAMA, people.
So. Improvisation. Innit. What a crock.
But then today, it struck me: I’m improvising ALL THE BLOODY TIME. I haven’t got a FARKING CLUE what I’m doing. This last year I’ve moved house, lost a husband, gone on benefits, had a new relationship and lost that as well, all while doing that parenting stuff and maintaining a blog and having a LIFE – of sorts – which, to a past version of me, sounds utterly alien and totes not what I was expecting.
Life is just one HUGE improvisation. We all pretend to know what we’re doing as we trundle along. I really admire people who plan stuff – who say, ‘Oh yah, in five year’s time I’ll be in a cottage in the Cotswolds with three children, seven dogs and a pony’ or ‘By the time I’m forty I’ll be assistant manager of this helium balloon company!’ or ‘I must taste rum’n'raisin ice cream at least once before I farking DIE’. That’s ambition. That’s PLANNING. I don’t plan. I can’t. If anything, this last year has shown me that actual constructive planning is beyond my reach. So I improvise.
I thought I knew what the months ahead held for me. I thought I’d eventually find some sort of stability in the near future. Now that’s changed again. I’m adrift. But I have Moo, I have a house I can finally afford to live in, and we can eat. That’s a start. Everything else, I’m MAKING IT UP AS I GO ALONG. Innit.
See? Wanking.
Are you a planner, or a wanker, like me? And what do you do if stuff doesn’t go the way you planned?
I’m a planner at work. I have to be as my job is as a Project Manager. (I’m guessing that also makes me a wanker too though).
However with the family I much prefer to be spontaneous. Some of my best times with the kids have been totally unplanned.
I always wonder what a Project Manager actually is. What projects do you manage? The word ‘project’ makes me think of school projects about Native Americans or Ancient Egyptians. Is that what you do? That’s so cool.
Nah. Software implementations. Basically I tell scruffy programmers what to do when and try and stop them going off on the tangents that they would otherwise go off on and they hate me for it.
Sounds… fun? *goes back to making a model pyramid from papier mache*
I am a total expert on fannying around. I have been trying to put a meal planner thingie together for about 2 years and still not done it. It means I visit the supermarket about 3 times a week… And sometimes ask OH to go on his way home from work too!
OMFG I go to the supermarket EVERY FARKING DAY. I know I should meal plan but I just can’t do it. I probably spend so much more money than I need to. What a pair of fannies we are
I’m a planner. In fact it bugs the crap out of me if I can’t make a list for something. I make lists because I have a terrible memory but also so I can get everything I want to get done, done. With two kids and business to run I think I might lose my mind if I didn’t plan. Now when I was younger and without enormous amounts of responsibility, I did whatever whenever. Those were the days…*daydreaming*
I’m thinking I should be a list person. How do you be a list person? Just make lists? Do you have a special list notepad?
Sadly I do have a notepad I carry with me in my purse. Gosh I feel old just saying that. Mostly its a to do list for when I run to town (I live far from civilization) and of course grocery lists.
*goes out to buy special notepad*
I have to plan certain things but mostly I just wank :’)
You saucy mare.
Despite my best efforts to block I am definitely a wanker. There I said it.
Yep. You said it. You’re a wanker
Ah you’re pretty funny
you had me on innit and then up pops farking. Hello and I’ll be back here again!
LOL erm, I say innit and farking A LOT. You’ll soon see. Thanks for stopping by, pls do come back
I am both, a planner and a wanker, suppose it summs me up, a bit of a dichotomy.
Problem is I have no clue & every so often think, “I am a Mama, how on earth am I supposed to be able to teach my boys when I have no answers”
But as my Mum always says, there is no instruction manual to life. We can only do our best.
But then again, I do like my plans and lists and stuff, even if I don’t always follow them.
Great piece, as always *mwah*
Ooohhh a bit of both, that’s impressive. I’m the same as you. I’m terrified that Moo will look to me for answers when she’s older, and I’ll just say ‘Erm, no idea’. I guess we have to trust ourselves to know what to do?
I can only slightly plan something for the coming week, not really further than that. I mean, two years ago, I couldn’t even imagine myself going to university or anything. I still can’t imagine finishing university, but I guess that will come too.
One week in avance.
Is that the trick? To keep it simple? Not look too far ahead? Maybe if I just think forward to tomorrow…
Pah! Never been a planner. Well, I’ve tried it – but whenever I try and plan ahead it goes as drastically wrong as it possibly can. I had planned what I wanted the next 2 or 3 years to look like in terms of where we live, another baby, different career. All up in smoke! Fuck it, I’ll fumble my way through as I nearly always have. Can’t get disappointed when things don’t pan out then.
So… you’re a wanker, then?
Im a planner. I like to have control and I have ocd so improvising just dont work for me. Id love to be more laid back about things though. I think I may die of a heart attack at 30 Im at such a high level of anxiety all my life when things dont go to plan lol. So I think you have the right attitude. Improvise.
Oh please don’t die of a heart attack at 30. That would be such a waste of a life. Maybe try improvising a bit? See what happens?
As I have a degree in theatre studies, I like to think I am a grade A, qualified wanker. Go me. Who now teaches college students, to embrace, their, erm, inner wanker? Pretension is the key to a distinction. Also I like this blog lots. Shameless plea for you to read mine right here. Ta. http://adelethebride.wordpress.com/
Shameless! But seeing as you professed to be a top notch wanker, I shall oblige you. Thanks for reading and commenting.
My lovely wife has done a lot of amdram in the past and I asked her to read this blog post of yours. Her favourite play was ‘taking steps’ by Alan ackborne and her favourite panto was Cinderella! She said that she was a mixture of both, which means that she can adapt to things relatively easily!
I think being a bit of both is the best way to run things
Im definitly a wanker, although i do try and plan things but normally it all goes tits up!! So now im trying not to worry and just go with the flo! xx
Yeah, don’t worry, be happy, as the song goes… good for you. Long live the wankers!
xx
I’m a planner. I can’t help it. I like to plan. I like to plan best on a spread sheet. A spread especially made for planning. If things dont go to plan then I just make a new plan. Simples. A new opportunity to plan. Win win situation really.
I bet you planned that response.
Oh I’m a wanker and a fannier when it comes to real life but a blocker when it comes to my am dram self. Get the fark on with it and don’t tit about on stage but blunder about like a moth in the dark at home. Pro Celebrity wanking and fannying about would be a great programme by the way. I’d watch! The Wank Factor would another good show. I’m a Wanker Get Me Out of Here. Britain’s Got Wankers. The list is endless.
Let’s email Simon Cowell. I bet he’d LOVE it.
Life might be improv, but improv was the one thing I HATED SO HARD during my A-Levels and my degree. I cannot do it. I just can’t. I fail. I just stand there looking stupid. Omfg. >.<
*shudder* I feel your pain. I don’t know ANYONE who likes improv. Weirdos and freaks, most likely.
Wanker… Obviously.
But then I think you have gathered that over the years. We need to do another play together….. Stop people fannying about
Luv ya x
LOL too much fannying! Just farking ACT, innit
luv ya too X
Well, for one thing, you’re fibbing about the ‘I really admire people who plan for seventeen Hippo dogs in the country’ because we read your post about pets. So strike those type of planners off for starters. I am a planner who is SO disorganised that I always have to improvise a new plan on the spot when the first one fucks up. I am also a control freak who loses control. Someone who HATES being late, but hasn’t made a school bell all year. I’m ALWAYS late. I’m a woman who demands order and lives in disorder. In other words, I’m a mess. I did drama and stuff at university. I once had to stand in a circle of grown, supposedly bright, individuals and howl like a wolf around a campfire. FUCK THAT SHITE. I left mid-howl. Then I went to a Footlights audition because I thought if I got the part of Emma Thompson in life, I’d be doing ok. They asked me to sing a song. I hadn’t prepared. I improvised. And sang Wham’s Wake Me Up Before you Go Go to a stony faced group of wankers (they were the directors). So I decided I’d write parts instead and give them to myself so I wouldn’t have to improvise. But I haven’t written a play yet…
LMAO you make me ROFFLE very much so. And also you should be Emma Thompson, you’d be great at her. I have visions of you singing Wham to a bunch of wankers now. It’s like a bizarre wet dream. Let’s include something like that in our hit sitcom.
I can rarely plan as far ahead as dinner. I just cobble it together as best I can. Life and dinner that is. All a big cobble. Sometimes held together with double sided tape. Life. Not the dinner. I have never had double sided tape for dinner in a weird Blue Peter tribute meal. Xx
I would imagine it’s a bit chewy. But yes. Cobbled together. Fo sho. We’re a pair of cobblers
x