Back in the New Year, when the year was, erm, new, I wrote a post about New Year resolutions rather snappily titled Bring On 2012, Baby. Apart from the goddamnawful title (thank Jeezus I switched to simple one/two word titles) reading it back now makes me cringe a bit. Yeesh. It’s a bit beauty-pageant-queen wishlist. Y’know, world farking peace and all that balls.
Yah well my wishlist has changed, innit. Sure, I want the same things as I always did – good times for Moo, health, happiness and giggles along the way – but the specifics are different. Diamond shoes? It has well and truly been demonstrated that they DO NOT EXIST. Shit the bed! Can you believe it? I believed that it was possible to acquire shoes carved from a MASSIVE diamond. I was wrong. And the alternative? Mere spangles. Hey ho. No wonder my unicorn farking died.
So eight months-ish down the 2012 line and it’s all change again. I shall definitely remember this year as one of tempest and flux. Some folk thrive on change, others flounder and yearn for the comfort of a quiet life. I’m still trying to work out which one is me.
In the meantime, this is my new, improved, slightly more realistic wishlist. Peruse at your leisure.
jeans that fit in all the right places
to not have to pluck my eyebrows every day
to lick my Twitter friends in their faces for real
new bed sheets
to cultivate a non-fear of moths/wasps/spiders
more house plants
the new series of Doctor Who to be really good, please
to be better at maths
to lose weight
to finish writing more books
to be able to say ‘brewery’ without looking like I’m chewing on a slug
more knickerbocker glories in my life
to watch less shit TV
to climb a tree
balls of steel
a happy Christmas, seeing as my b’day was so shite
to take more photos
to reach the bottom of the washing basket
more rings for my fingers
to read more good fiction
world farking peace?
I could go on. Ramble through the entire section of my brain focused on heart’s desires. It would take all day.
What’s on your wishlist? I was going to say ‘keep it clean’ but knowing some of you lot, there are butt plugs in there somewhere.