Weed
There’s been some farking good blog posts floating round in the ether lately about how parents shouldn’t judge other parents. I’m thinking, specifically, about Ministry of Mum’s post and Slightly Suburban Dad’s post. Both great posts. Go read. I’d hope that anyone I have an ounce of respect for would agree with both of them. Nobody likes a Lord or Lady Judgey-Pants. Everyone should be left to get on with their respective parenting in whatever method/style/totalitarian regime they choose, as long as the kids are healthy, happy and wiggly, s’all good innit. Yay!
Today in the park the man pushing his young daughter in the swing next to me smelt very strongly of weed.
Ack. I can’t help it. I’m going to have to judge. I am. I’m sorry. Well, I’m not sorry, I was just trying to be polite. But I am judging this. I have my judging face on. And my judging pants. I am Lady Judgey-Pants. Just for this. Just for that man. Cos, in my opinion, you don’t want to be smoking illegal stuff while you’re responsible for your child. No. No way. It ain’t cool.
Is it? I know there are gazillions of grey areas here that maybe I shouldn’t stray into. And – OK – I don’t know for sure that this person had been a-smoking da marjoram, only that I smelt it when he stood close to me and I couldn’t smell it when I moved away from him – I just made the assumption and instantly judged, as I’m sure MANY OTHER PEOPLE would, and then inwardly huffed and judged and then judged some more, until it began to rain like a bastard and I had to take Moo home.
I don’t do drugs. I don’t smoke. I don’t drink alcohol when I’m on my own in charge of Moo. I really don’t, as much as I bang on about rum and gin and mainlining cups of tea. I hate to think that something might happen to her and I had been under the influence, so to speak. I have no problem with people doing what they want to do in their spare time, whether that is alcohol, crack cocaine, unicorn spaff, or chocolate pie, but if it’s going to mess with your senses, maybe wait till the kids are in bed, yeah?
Totally realise this might get a lot of people’s backs up, and yeah, whatevs. Do what you like, innit. This is my piece of judginess and I’m cool with most things, as I’m sure y’all know. But I don’t like the idea of drugs. I have never taken them. I don’t think parents taking their kids to the park in the afternoon should be smoking them. I’m not sure what smoking weed brings to the experience, actually. I find it takes all my focus not to lose Moo to the giant seagulls that swoop about the place, can’t imagine how I would fight off seagulls if I was stoned.
Am I being too too judgey-wudgey on this? Should I maybe power up my groovy button and just not let these folks trouble me? I acknowledge that parents have a hard enough time as it is, some people need to relax, and that’s how they do it. So maybe I should shut my trap-hole?
What say you?
Completely agree on the drugs thing – the only thing that I would add though is that in my time I have been on medication that has left me somewhat fuzzier than ‘normal’ – however, if I hadn’t taken it I wouldn’t have been able to parent at all and would quite possibly have been hospitalised (and then very drugged) or in a deeper, darker pain ridden place than I would ever really want to think about. Illegal stuff is illegal for a reason, sometimes the prescribed stuff are a necessity. I’m now ‘clean’ from the really really strong stuff (and boy that was an unpleasant experience) – I use the word clean because the drugs I was on have an extremely high black market value… I’m rambling – I think I’m trying to say that there may be a parent in the playground who’s a bit out of it (and doesn’t smell of weed) because they need to be to be there for their children
Of course. I understand that. I wouldn’t want anyone to deny themselves the medication that they need to live a fulfilling life. I made a snap judgement on this man based on the immediate circumstances and surroundings and wrote a blog post following on from that which outlined my thoughts in general about taking drugs while parenting. Obviously there are individual stories that need more empathy. And I’m well aware that not everyone would agree with me. That’s fine. I welcome differing viewpoints. Thank you for commenting
You’re of course more than welcome. I am festering a blog post about the parents I saw on holiday taking the dummies away from their children to enable them to play the 2p slots in the arcades and filling their baby bottles with coca cola! Bring on the snap judgements and differing viewpoints
Coca Cola?! Oh my! *puts on judgey pants again*
Maybe he had a disability and was on a maintenance amount of weed that he did not smoke in front of his child. I only mention this, because well, due to my unseen disability (I look/appear healthy) I am on a lot of medication. I understand the judging we all do it from time to time, but sometimes we have to look beyond and ask why.
Maybe he did. I accept that as a possibility. I still don’t understand the use of weed as a medication, though. Seems wrong to me. Perhaps it’s something I need to look in to a bit more.
I agree with you. There is no way I would do drugs whilst being in charge of a child/ren. I don’t do them anyway, but still…. I do drink. But not around Ethan. At the very most I have maybe 3 halves of shandy whilst with Ethan in 3 years, but never when it’s just me and him, there’s always been another adult present, if not more than one. It’s always been with a meal as well, and as a social thing. Not me and him at home on our own.
You need to be in control of your faculties as best you can when around children!!
Too right. Kids mess with our brains enough as it is, why mess them any more?
I have knowledge of the smell of weed *cough* Now I have kids? No way. Not a chance (and actually not really for many years before). I have old friends for whom the same is not true. There is weed in the house with the kids and as a non-smoker I could smell when the Dad had been smoking it the night before. Not cool. And who am I to judge? Well, a pretty responsible parent, that’s who.
Glad to hear it. Thanks for commenting m’lady.
What’s wrong with marjoram?
Oh. I see. Yes. You’re right. Sounds a bit too cool for school for me. Judge away. I would feel the same.
Hoopla!
Any kind of drug should not be consumed around a child, alcohol, cannabis, anything that clouds your mind. You need to be on full alert at all times! Judge away! It’s a big difference to mums who judge woman for breast feeding or not and for what pram they have!
It IS a big difference, but it does seem hypocritical of me to say I wouldn’t judge another parent and then I go ahead and judge them. I would hope that a majority of people would agree with me but there must be people who don’t – would be interesting to hear from them.
It’s actually a breath of fresh air to read someone judging someone for something that matters. It’s human nature to judge, don’t be so tough on yourself
LOL I am ALWAYS tough on myself, it’s hardwired into my being
I agree with you wholeheartedly! You should never be high, drunk or in any way intoxicated when in charge of kids! Which from my point of view goes so far that I wouldn’t even take any medication that could make me drousy! Imagine your kid needs you and you don’t notice because the medz you took knocked you out!
That is one of the reasons why when we do have a night off, either my ‘in-laws’ have the boys over night or my ‘sis-in-law’ has the boys over night we tend to be worse for wear the next morning and usually don’t pick the kids up until the afternoon! which happens maybe once a month if that!
I didn’t intend to right an essay, just wanted to say you’re absolutely spot on I’d have judged that person the same way!
You can write as much as you like, dearheart. I think you have the correct attitude. If you know you’re going to be, erm, less than capable, then it’s always best to leave the kids in the care of someone who is capable! Innit. Thanks for commenting
agree with you 100%. Wrote a blog on it myself (Mommies and Daddies who Drink). Deffo after the kids are asleep and with the ganja man, for me never, but never on duty. Right to judge illegalities you know x
See, I think I’m right to judge but I know it’s not an issue with some parents. Obv the man in the park thought it was OK so there must be others who don’t see the problem. I do wonder if I need to be more relaxed about these things. X
nope your totally right and i totally agree. however i have this tale to tell. we have this air thing in our bedroom and one in ronnies room too. it swishes water around and makes the air all clean and pure like. well you can buy fragrance to put in the water and then the air smelt blooming gorgeous too. well, the problem that we had was that we filled the swishing orbs with a new fragrance and left them running. thought nothing more of it. we went out we came home, the whole house smelt like a commune of hippies had moved in and had chain smoked camberwell carrots. everything stunk of skunk. everything had to be washed. so really what i’m saying is if i had been in the park and i stank of weed it was my air purifier that had contaminated me, i wasn’t actually off my rocker!
PMSL maybe that man had the same, erm, problem with his air purifier? Happens to lots of us. I imagine. Really. Not.
I agree. Each to their own, but not when you are responsible for a child. I haven’t touched a single drop of alcohol since I’ve had Amy as I find it crucial to have all my senses together while I am looking after her – just in case something happens.
Alcohol is an even trickier subject, I think, because so many people use it as a way to unwind in the evening, and cos it’s legal, and widely available, it’s maybe not as demonised as much as an illegal substance, say. That’s a whole different blog post!!
I feel really old. I wouldn’t recognise the smell if someone was smoking it next to me! I am very ignorant when it comes to things like that.
Mahahahaha I never knew what it smelt like till someone pointed it out to me. I was like, ‘Oooohhhhh, THAT’S weed??’ You’d know, I think. Very distinctive.
Back when I was a teen (oh the good ol days) I smoked. So did my friends. One or two of those friends had kids. I never approved of them smoking when looking after their kids, or the kids being anywhere near drugs at all. However I have to say I never saw those kids suffer as a result. Those kids were doted on, their parents love them to pieces and actually did a great job of bringing them up. Could they have done a better job without all the smoking? Possibly. Who’s to say? Those friends smoked joints like office workers smoked cigarettes. They never smoked to the point of getting wasted like hippies or students are portrayed as on the TV, it was a gentle continuous thing, which I guess helped them stay calm about the rest of the crap in their lives at the time, as well as dealing with the kids.
I don’t see those friends much anymore, if at all. But we keep in touch now and again and the kids are great.
For the record, I haven’t smoked so much as a cigarette in about 8 years, I ‘grew out of it’. My husband continued for a while but I made him stop as soon as there was even a whiff of thinking about starting a family. for
Some things are more important, and I believe its not something kids should be around.
Given my past, I wouldn’t have judged the guy, or presumed he’s a bad parent, but being as i am now, I would have disapproved. But weed smoking is far more common than you’d think, and every smokers reasons for doing so, and the amount they smoke, are different.
I’m not standing up for the guy, I still don’t think is right, just trying to give a different view!
Sorry that was a massive essay!
Sorry that was a massive essay! And I wanted to as my friends weren’t teens at the time, I hung around with much older people, mum didn’t approve and now i see why!
No, that’s great, thank you! I always welcome a valid counterpoint. I’m glad the kids of the friends you speak of are OK. Of course they are. I have no doubt that many parents who smoke weed ARE good parents in every other regard. I, however, do not think smoking illegal substances in ANY way is acceptable when you are supposed to be responsible for a child. Imagine if one of those friends was looking after your child for the day – would you be OK with them smoking joints in a ‘gentle continuous way’ if your children were in the vicinity and supposed to be in their care? I think I’d be livid.
Yeah, I agree, I don’t think its right at all, hence pretty much parting company since I ‘grew up’.
But as you say just a counterpoint, but if given the choice of leaving my little un with friends who don’t smoke, or those that do, that’s a no brainer!
Glad we agree
thanks for commenting
I don’t think you are being too judgy at all, if someone had been pushing their child whilst drinking a can of cider then they would have opened up the same door to bein judged. I used to take loads of drugs when I was a teenager but I had stopped years before having Iyla and would never do it again now. I don’t ever even want Iyla to see me really drunk, I think it’s irresponsible to be out of it whilst caring for a child and if that makes me judgemental then so be it! Xx
Maybe being judgemental about some things is OK, if it comes down to caring for children. Dunno. I think we’ll be OK
x
Ok first I don’t think anyone in charge of a child should be stoned, drunk, or high on hoovering. You need to be responsible end of. Secondly cannabis, ah lovely pixie perfume. I may have dabbled in da erb in the past when it was all natural and grown in greenhouses. Now however that stuff is scary, hydroponic, blow your head off and make you mad shizzle, not for me. So that’s my take on the whole conundrum innit.
Thanks for that. I don’t think it’s that much of a conundrum. Just say no! (OK I borrowed that from Grange Hill)
Firstly thanks for the pingback and kind words. Secondly no, you’re not wrong. I don’t think you should be out of your head or even a little bit stoned when looking after kids. This crosses the line from parenting styles to ‘ability to look after children safely’.
You’re welcome. And thanks for your input. I knew you were one of the good’uns
I see where you are coming from, however, if you could smell it when you were close to him perhaps it was “just” in the clothing he was wearing. Maybe he’s not with the partner and smokes a little pot on non visiting days. As an x smoker (cigs) I can still smell it in a jacket that I had to bin…..those smells really cling! or I can only hope he wouldN’t be under the influence!:-)
Yes, of course I realise I may have been making a lot of assumptions based on what is really only a strong smell. It’s not like I pinned him down and interrogated him. It got me thinking, is all
I may have….! I’ve judged before – a person openly admitted going out shopping when their baby slept. I actually did say something….
Woah! Say something? I think if have reported them!
They are in Canada and it was on a friend’s FB (her friend, not mine)….
Damn, I hoped this was going to be a post on how to eliminate creeping buttercup from my flower border! The thing that awes me is that you know what weed smells like. I lived for two years in the Kings Cross red light area and was the only one in the parish not to twig all the drug dealing going on around us, although I had a fairly shrewd idea about the ladies under the lamp posts.
Mahahahahaa now this is very recent, I honestly did not know what weed smelt like until in recent years. Now I smell it EVERYWHERE. Bloody students.
If you have children, you are responsable for them and you should be ready any time to help them out. I can imagine it isn’t fun to give up your entire life to raise your children, but that’s the price you pay for having had fun in bed… I think I agree on you.
Thanks my Belgian chocolate fairy
Woah, I like that description! Can I use it from now on?
By all means.