Misery
Hello. I’m not miserable. I know. This is strange, yeah? Usually I’m either miserable, grumpy or irate. Oh wait, before you panic and wonder whether the world has shifted on its axis, I do still get grumpy, and irate. But lately, much to my surprise, the misery has taken a break. I haven’t cried in the kitchen for AGES. I haven’t listened to my misery playlist on Spotify for weeks. And – brace yourselves – I have been SMILING. Without REASON.
What the fark is going on?
It’s not like everything has suddenly gone OK for a change. I’m still poor. I still worry about all things. I’m still trying to reconcile the fact that in next month, I’ll be 34, a single mum, on benefits, in a tiny rented house, with no job and a possible fungal toenail infection. In fact, just typing that has made me a little bit miserable. Wow. But – here’s the thing – it’s not going to BREAK me, like it would’ve done a month or so ago.
Oh, let’s not analyse why my mood is so cheery. It’s not important. I am merely relishing it. What I’m wondering about, and I had a conversation with a fellow blogger about this recently, is how come my misery blog posts do exponentially better than my not-so-miserable ones?
Does anyone else find this? You can blog about sunshine and kittens and popcorn, and sure, you do OK. But write about how SHIT your life is, and KAPOW – your stats go through the roof. Do people like to read about the misfortunes of others that much? Or is it just an empathy thing? A bit of both, maybe?
I choose to write about the utter soul-crushing lows cos a) it helps me to vent, and b) when people comment in sympathy and support, I find this a comfort. I never think people WANT to read about what a shite-ball my existence happens to be right now. It surprises me when a post such as Shame, for instance, gets 700+ hits in a few hours after it is published. It is also one of my more highly commented on posts. I honestly wonder what the appeal is. When I read it back (which I did for the first time just now, as I linked it in) I feel faintly embarrassed. I sound so… vulnerable. I almost don’t recognise myself, which, yeah, is a good thing – shows I’ve turned corners and stuff, innit – but FARKING HELL I was a miserable bizzatch.
Y’all are fabulous and y’know I loves youse. But be truthful: what makes you click more – misery or happiness? I am genuinely interested in the scientific psychology of this shizzle. What draws you, as a reader, to the doom and gloom? Or does that sort of thing turn you off?
Or should I stick to blogging about muff?
I just love reading honest blogs happy or sad and yours always are very honest! And they make me laugh so hard i nearly pee myself *quick pass me a tena lady*
xx
LOL oops sorry about that, m’dear. Quick, do some clenching! X
Im doing them and no one knows, skilz
xx
Sneaky
I want to thank you for always being honest in your writings. I have no idea if you are at all interested in the receiving and giving of blog awards. However, I want to let you know I am nominating you for the Sunshine Award. You are under no obligation whatsoever. The nomination will appear at some point today via http://awakeningpyramid.com/nominated-blogger-award/
Thank you, that’s very kind of you. I’ve received the Sunshine Award before so forgive me for not completing the meme again! I’m glad you thought of me though
I think the phrase is ‘misery loves company’ and I suppose that can be interpreted in a million ways. But for me, I’ve commented when I’ve empathised or, more often, evening read your blog and thought ‘I’ve felt like that and wish someone had reached out to me’…….
Anyhoo, I think it’s proper mint that you are smiling and, now that crying in the kitchen is off the menu, maybe you could take up another activity? Shimmying maybe?
PS. I have been reading your blog these last few weeks but not made any comments. I feel the need to say this has nowt to do with your
happiness but due to the fact that I’ve been locked in a room having wild sex with Jamie Redknapp or am back at work now and have no bloody free time anymore when my eyes are open. One of these reasons is definitely the truth. Keep smiling missus, it’s proper good stuff
You and Jamie, eh? You saucy mare. *shimmys off*
The bad posts might draw more attention because people want to make the person feel better. At least that’s what I do. I know how hard life can be (I could write a novel about mine) so I feel a sense of empathy and a desire to comfort, even though we’ve never met.
Ah thanks missus. I know that’s how some people genuinely feel, and that’s wonderful, and much appreciated.
quite often the title or image grabs me to read a post, but i read almost all of your posts anyway im talking about other blogs in general. People do like to read about misery in others lives, like my man says, he watches Jeremy Kyle because it makes his life seem so much better. which is sad really. i find if people write about how good their lives are, the holiday theyve had, they have a new car, theyre doing well at work, how great the kids are- people say theyre just bragging and being snobby but if they have come to some misfortune then people offer their sympathy whilst secretly feeling like the bigger one. im speaking from my own experience i hope not everybody really is like this.
But I think you’re right, maybe people DO like to feel better about themselves by comparing their lives to somebody else’s misfortune. I think it’s only human, I know I’ve done it many a time. I guess they’re the ones who won’t comment on a blog, though, maybe will just cruise through to satisfy their curiosity?
maybe, i still think its a bit sad though
It is sad, but just one of those things…
Good question! I have no idea. I mostly read the first lines of the post in the Reader section and then decide whether I feel like reading or not. Much depends on the amount of time too. But you being a real life person, I’d rather read happy posts of you!
LOL a real life person? As opposed to …?
Some bloggers write fiction… Okay, I do realise now that it sounds strange
. But, you know, there are some who write as if it’s real, but it isn’t. But you are very real and stuff and-
Nevermind.
LOL you make me smile.
glad to hear your smiling babes
Thanks lovely X
You should continue to blog about whatever the flugelhorn takes your fancy! It’s a strategy that seems to be working for you so far.
I must admit to being a bit partial to your ‘muff’ though.
You saucy mare
No, I love this post best because it made me smile.
I worry about you, so I subscribed & keep an eye on your posts – and you don’t have to feel bad about them ever. But most if all I want you happy and smiling!!!
Ah you gorgeous lady, you. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine, innit.
LoL glad you recognised the weird vault press name I now seem to have since deciding to backup my blog – otherwise you might have thought I was some weird stalker woman ;o)
Sadly, I think that you might be right – people love a bit of drama, and maybe prefer it on a blog than Eastenders.
But there are also others who will be reading and gaining comfort from knowing that they are not the only Mums in the world to be struggling – and thats a good thing. Even better is when things turn round for you and you can show them that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
big hugs beautiful xx
You asked what makes a reader click through more: misery or happiness? For me, what draws me in is whether I can identify with that particular blogger be it in hard times or good. We all simply want to feel as though we aren’t alone – and reaching out via the anonymous medium of the Internet can be a reassurance that no matter what, someone else has been there and done that.
Good answer. I think you’re right. When somebody says that they can identify with me and it makes them feel less alone, then I feel like this is all worth it. Thank you for taking time to think and comment about this.
You always write so honestly, I like all of your blog posts, ‘slow’ still being my complete favourite. But I think for me its nice to read about the grim side to life as so many bloggers seem to be middle class and have the ‘perfect’ life. We all no they don’t, but your the only one honest enough to say whats really going down.I think you should carry on blogging just as you are because you are a blogging genious, and you have made me spit tea out my nose on lots of occasions! Chin up, things can only get better x
Ah bless you m’lady, you sweet thing. I could never pretend to have the ‘perfect’ life, it just doesn’t work like that for me. I have to blog as I feel, surely anything else is a fiction? Anyway, I will certainly carry on as normal, no fear, just interested to know what people thought about the topic
x
Happiness every time. You have lots to smile about. New boyfriend, performing on stage,where I guess you was born to be. Beautiful daughter and sunshine. Add to that roof over your head and food on the table – lucky, blessed and happy – Nothing else matters.
Very true. Sometimes it’s hard to find things to smile about but I don’t have to search for too long.
Easy I reckon: People need to know there are pothers worse off than themselves. I don’t mean that to sound harsh in any way, but going through painful times with others – allbeit on line – can help us to appreciate what’s good about our own lives. Sometimes it can help put your own problems into perspective. I know when I’ve written posts about loosing my Mum they’ve always done much better than the humerous posts. Yet, I write the humerous posts with an audience in mind and the personal stuff for myself. I have to say though, the on-line support I get never fails to amaze me. I’m glad you’re feeling positive. Sounds like it’s about time. xxx
I think you’re right. It’s not necessarily a horrible thing: if I can make people feel better about themselves, then at least something positive comes from my misery! Gawd, I’m so GIVING! I should get a sainthood
Thanks for commenting X
All of your posts come into my inbox, and I even read most of ‘em :p I struggle to comment on the misery ones for fear of embarrassed triteness. There are only so many times you can say “Hugzzzzzzz babe” when you cannot identify with what is being written. Or maybe it’s just me in that I worry about seeming insincere. So I prefer to comment on the lighter-hearted stuff, even if I am jeopardising future employment prospects (did I really drop the C-bomb?).
So by all means, keep producing the misery (gotta go where the stats are, right?) but don’t ditch the streamofconsciousnessfluffbabble – ’cause that’s what I can work with. Word.
Ah OK, that’s interesting, thank you. I certainly don’t expect everyone to comment with ‘hugs’ etc when I post some misery, like I said, I’m always amazed when people read it at all. And I would never think someone was being insincere, pls don’t worry about that. Happy to provide you with something to work with. Innit.
See you’re baiting my sympathy now – positively begging for it
Hehe.
I’m pretty sure the emotional constipation hails from my childhood, but I’ll save that for my blog. Just need to find a tragic angle to attract the misery-tourists
PMSL just split from your husband and go on benefits, seemed to work for me
Did that once. Damn it that I wasn’t blogging back then
x
You’d have been SO SUCCESSFUL
x
Nah I’d still have been too lazy. Commenting on others is far less work
I like all your blog but it’s true people are very attracted to misery… Or some kind of controversy I guess. I’m off to read your shame post now!
I’m not best placed to comment, as I read all your posts, but I do also occasionally wonder whether blogging is just a slightly more middle class friendly way to get some voyeuristic schadenfreude kicks than watching reality TV.
The blogs I read most are the ones where I feel like I’m really getting to know someone, good or bad, it’s all, erm…good.
Indeed. I would guess that would be most people’s answers. Schadenfreude! That was the word I wanted. Thank you!
I think it’s because a lot of people don’t like seeing someone miserable and therefore will do their damnedest to try and cheer you up. That’s the only suggestion I can offer
It’s a good suggestion. But I’m guessing a lot of people who view my posts don’t comment, or tweet me, or make any effort to contact me. There are HUNDREDS of page views and not near as many interactions. So I can only be cheered up by my rocketing stats…