Hello. I’m not miserable. I know. This is strange, yeah? Usually I’m either miserable, grumpy or irate. Oh wait, before you panic and wonder whether the world has shifted on its axis, I do still get grumpy, and irate. But lately, much to my surprise, the misery has taken a break. I haven’t cried in the kitchen for AGES. I haven’t listened to my misery playlist on Spotify for weeks. And – brace yourselves – I have been SMILING. Without REASON.
What the fark is going on?
It’s not like everything has suddenly gone OK for a change. I’m still poor. I still worry about all things. I’m still trying to reconcile the fact that in next month, I’ll be 34, a single mum, on benefits, in a tiny rented house, with no job and a possible fungal toenail infection. In fact, just typing that has made me a little bit miserable. Wow. But – here’s the thing – it’s not going to BREAK me, like it would’ve done a month or so ago.
Oh, let’s not analyse why my mood is so cheery. It’s not important. I am merely relishing it. What I’m wondering about, and I had a conversation with a fellow blogger about this recently, is how come my misery blog posts do exponentially better than my not-so-miserable ones?
Does anyone else find this? You can blog about sunshine and kittens and popcorn, and sure, you do OK. But write about how SHIT your life is, and KAPOW – your stats go through the roof. Do people like to read about the misfortunes of others that much? Or is it just an empathy thing? A bit of both, maybe?
I choose to write about the utter soul-crushing lows cos a) it helps me to vent, and b) when people comment in sympathy and support, I find this a comfort. I never think people WANT to read about what a shite-ball my existence happens to be right now. It surprises me when a post such as Shame, for instance, gets 700+ hits in a few hours after it is published. It is also one of my more highly commented on posts. I honestly wonder what the appeal is. When I read it back (which I did for the first time just now, as I linked it in) I feel faintly embarrassed. I sound so… vulnerable. I almost don’t recognise myself, which, yeah, is a good thing – shows I’ve turned corners and stuff, innit – but FARKING HELL I was a miserable bizzatch.
Y’all are fabulous and y’know I loves youse. But be truthful: what makes you click more – misery or happiness? I am genuinely interested in the scientific psychology of this shizzle. What draws you, as a reader, to the doom and gloom? Or does that sort of thing turn you off?
Or should I stick to blogging about muff?