Look! This is my shocked face: :-0
Are you shocked to see my shocked face? Does it shock you to know that not a lot shocks me? Is that shocking? Are YOU now doing a shocked face? Have I used the word ‘shocked’ enough now that it almost bears no meaning and is a seemingly random jumble of letters? No? Shocking.
I was going to write a post about how not a lot shocks me these days, but after some consideration I can state that actually, yeah, I am shocked by stuff on a regular basis, it’s just the Big Stuff that EVERYONE should be shocked by, like the crap going down in Syria, or the spectacular fark up that is the Olympics, or that ANYONE ON EARTH would be opposed to gay marriage – y’know, important shizzle. I should really stop watching the news, I just get so supremely shocked by it all.
But some stuff? Nah. Not shocked. I’m so worldly, me. Well, I’m not, but I like to think I am. Fairly unflappable, could be how I might describe my usual mien. Flap me? You can TRY. I am unflappable. And all that.
So imagine my shock at being shocked about something that came up on Twitter t’other day.
Yes, that’s right, I was SHOCKED at being SHOCKED. Because I did not think I would BE shocked at such a thing. Me being someone who shares her menstrual cycle ins-and-outs with thousands of people, me being someone who has posted photos of her stretchy-flabby flip-flap bits online, me being someone who is QUITE HAPPY to broadcast the fact that I haven’t done a poo in a while to my captive audience – surely there is nothing that could shock me quite so shockingly easily?
Yet, I was shocked.
This is what shocked me so:
(I can barely type it)
(my hands are shaking)
(also my throat is a bit dry)
It turns out that some people use Twitter while
That’s right. Some people TWEET WHILE THEY ARE DOING A POO.
How gross is that?? That’s gross, right? It is gross? It’s not just me being weird, that IS GROSS, YEAH?
I mean, WHY would you? What extremely important tweet cannot wait until you have finished your business? I understand that sometimes, if you’re mid-convo, it can be frustrating to have to stop and attend to something else, but SERIOUSLY. Poo time is sacred. Take time to poo properly. DON’T TWEET AND SHIT SIMULTANEOUSLY. Think of the germs. And the potential of rupturing. And what if - HEAVEN FORFEND – you dropped your phone down the toilet?? Disaster. On a global scale. Worse, I might surmise, than the Olympics.
After I was made privy (geddit?) to this piece of information – namely, that folk shite and talk shite at the same time – I have to admit, I decided to try it. I took my phone into the loo. I had a timely brewing within, and I thought I could give it a go.
BUT I COULDN’T BRING MYSELF TO DO IT.
Because it’s WRONG.
I just did my poo and then tweeted afterwards. With CLEAN HANDS and sound mind. And an unblemished soul.
Shocking. I was shocked.
Do you find this shocking? Or are you *recoils* one of these tweet-anywhere folks?
What was the last thing you found truly shocking?
:-0 << my shocked face again. In case you forgot what it looked like.