Hair
Gave myself a bit of a squeaky-bum moment t’other day upon lifting the lid of the toilet and discovering there what I thought to be a GARGANTUAN SPIDER but was, in fact, some plughole hair that I had deposited within after my shower earlier that morning.
It really did look like a spider. Why there’d be a spider in my toilet, fark knows, but ne’ertheless, I did shriek a bit and flail momentarily before realising that yes, it was just HAIR. My hair. There’s no one else here, so it has to be my hair. I doubt Moo has been shedding copious amounts of spindly dark hairs, unless she has been secretly collecting them for her amateur voodoo, so – with my marvellous powers of deduction – t’was my hair.
Aside from it being plughole hair (which we all know to be the most heinous and foul-smelling hair in existence) it just struck me exactly HOW MUCH farking hair I appear to lose on a daily basis. I seem to empty that plughole almost interminably. I am AMAZED there is any hair left on my actual head. Seriously, that follicular Shelob was FARKING HUGE. Like Godzilla’s hairball. Godzilla was hairy, right? Right? No? Shit. Well, anyway, if Godzilla had been hairy, its hairball was sitting in my loo yesterday. True story.
My hair is very fine. It doesn’t look it, cos it’s wavy and somewhat wiry, and sticks out from my head at all angles, but I don’t have a lot of it, which means that from some viewpoints I can look a bit patchy on the ol’scalp. Has always been this way. Years ago I went to my then-GP and tried to convince her I was going bald but she laughed in my face and told me to come back when I had a real disease. Now I refrain from googling ‘female hair loss’ cos I think WE ALL KNOW what happens when I google symptoms. Yeah. Can everyone say LUPUS? I reckon if I google ‘help-me-for-the-love-of-Jeezus-I-am-losing-all-my-GODDAMN-hair’ then I will just end up convinced I have diabetes, alopecia, scabies or Tropical Ooga-Booga Monkey Virus – or all four – like I did all that time ago. And I don’t have those things. I just have fine hair.
Usually it does not bother me so much. I have accepted the fine hair burden. I adjust hair styles accordingly. Although I WILL NEVER HAVE A FRINGE *sob* which is a shame as I love fringes. When I was preggo, it was GREAT cos my hair was temporarily thick and lustrous. Then it all dropped out. Then it went back to being fine again. Now it’s dropping again. I have not had another baby. This is not fair.
Why is my hair dropping out? Why do I have hair-spiders dabbling in my toilet bowl more often than not? Is it my shit diet? Not that I eat shit. You get me. If so, what do I eat to stop the madness? And, most importantly, will you still love me if I’m bald?
I would just like to ascertain that hair seems to have NO TROUBLE WHATSOEVER growing ELSEWHERE upon my body. FFS.
I wish I didn’t have to have a fringe. Really, your are NOT missing out. They’re are a PAIN to MAINTAIN. I look stupid without it though.
Oh I love fringes! I’m just a big geek
They look nice, but they get all greasy from your face, and they go off in ridiculous wild directions at the slightest hint of moisture, and they never sit straight. Why can’t I just have a regular shaped head and Rapunzel hair, I mean IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK!?
Mine went through a crazy shedding phase about 6 months after having Z, so much so that I used to have to unclog the drain during showers!! People apparently pay good money for hair. (I also have no problem growing anywhere else!!! I am a girl, this shouldnt be allowed!)
Yes! Why does it fall out of our scalps with no problem, but not, say, our armpits or top lips?? That would be SO MUCH MORE useful. Stupid human body.
I have the same problem, cleaned my Hoover brush the other day and even though I don’t think it was that long since I last cleaned it you could have made a whole cat with the amount of hair I unwound from it !! And Hoover hair is almost as bad as plug hole hair *boak*
Yeah that is why I don’t have a Hoover brush…. *barf*
My hair used to fall out a lot when I was in my teens. Like LOADS! I dont actually have fine hair its really really thick which poses its own problems with extreme bushiness/frizziness ALL THE TIME. Anyway my hair no longer seems to fall out since I had my second baby. Could not tell you why. My diet has got slightly more salad based in an attempt to shed second baby weight. So maybe the answer is a second baby or eating more salad?!? Either sound appealing?…….No?……
*blank face*
Nah, I’m sorry. Being bald is a deal breaker. Nice knowing you….:p
I shouldn’t joke, I did actually totally stop fancying a man I was in a very serious relationship with when he became follicularly challenged. You thought I was nice? Total bitch. And shallow with it.
I too have fine hair, maybe I am worried it will fall out. Maybe this is why when the going gets thin, I walk.
Can we talk about something else please? *runs off and cries*
I saw a woman once who was voluntarily bald, and she was totally gorgeous. Her head was a nice shape though. I reckon my head is lumpy like a potato. Otherwise I’d just shave it all off.
I have the same exact problem! Although as of late it seems to be getting worse and worse. I’m guessing the insane drought we have going on right now has something to do with it. Everything is as dry as a bone and that has made my hair extremely brittle so it breaks and I shed like a cat. It’s ridiculous. I told my hubby there has to be something wrong with me to be losing this much hair. Of course he just rolls his eyes and says I’m fine.
Yeah? Wait till he starts losing his!!
So I shed hair like a cat… it’s very fine and seriously it gets everywhere. Hubby will put on a clean pair of socks and low and behold he finds my hair! I have one of those special sink hole covers to prevent the hair from going down the drain as otherwise I would be using plug hole clean like everyday! I still need to use plug hole cleaner at least once a month. I watch enough CSI to now know that I cannot commit a crime as I am sure I would leave evidence, my dna, my hair behind!
You’d need to wear a hair net for all your dastardly criminal activities.
Defo no Lupus, MoVo! My friend has Lupus and her hair is just beautiful and strong. I’m also in the fine hair brigade, so can’t help much. If it is any consolation, I was having a treatment at the hairdresser a few months ago and this junior assistant guy (who I hope has been fired since!) proceeded to tell me that ‘Oh, Look at that, he found a white hair! And another one!’ I won’t return there till my usual lady is back from maternity leave or till they fire the idiot! *looks at hair and sobs at the thought of the white one lurking and multiplicating*
4 months post-baby I’m afraid to brush my hair so much of it is falling out
it was so thick and shiny and fab when I was pregnant….the only bit of me that was shiny and fab when I was pregnant!!
LOL thank you for inventing the word ‘mulitiplicating’ and for starting a fine hair brigade. I am also going grey which is LUDICROUS. I therefore avoid the hairdressers.