Gawd, sorry, SORRY EVERYONE, here I am! Hello, here, over here. Yeah, that’s me. Sorry I’ve been lacking a bit on the blog front lately but I’ve been, erm, distracted? There’s been all the crap-hooley about my financial situation, then my flying monkeys got nicked and there was the media fallout from THAT, and uh, I’ve had a cold, and, tum-te-tum, y’know, Moo and stuff.
Oh fark it, I’ve been having a swell time with my fella, innit.
All those other things are TRUE anyway but, yeah, having a house guest – and such a handsomely diverting one as well – just fills my evenings up, and that is not a euphemism, or maybe it is, just a really vague one that doesn’t make a lot of sense if you think about it for any length of time.
But now I have une dilemma catastrophique: what the fark do I blog about?
I wrote a blog post t’other evening which I feel I can’t publish without my gentleman consort’s prior approval. This is odd for me. I am not known for my discretion. I just, erm, spaff it all out there. People commend me for my ‘brutal honesty’ – well, great, but I do just have a big mouth. Usually I am not bothered by the giddy levels of personal revelation that I reach on this blog. Obvs I don’t tell y’all EVERYTHING, but hey, you’ve all seen me naked so what else is there to hide?
This is different though, innit. This is someone else. Someone who has become – shall we say – heavily involved in my life. And yeah, even though I guess the majority of you KNOW WHO IT IS ALREADY, are you really prepared for me to blog about stuff that might, erm, be construed as TOO MUCH FARKING INFORMATION…?
Twice this morning – TWICE, already, just THIS morning – I’ve jokingly threatened to tweet some things that my consort would clearly NOT be happy about me tweeting. And if he reads this, yes, I mean the thing about the curry bucket, and yes, also the thing about your thing. Not your THING thing, just the thing thing. Or do I mean the thing THING? Maybe I mean the thing THING thing. Oh my, I guess that’s THREE things now…
My point is: there’s a whole untapped wealth of blog material here. Loads of it. Curry buckets of it. And, frustratingly – somewhat selfishly – a bit sadly – I probably can’t write about it. Not right now, anyway.
I’m now thinking blackmail.
Oh but damn, that works both ways. Damn. *thinks about what he could blog about me**gulps* DAMN.
So, c’mon, how shtum should I keep? What do you want to know, and what should I keep between ourselves? And I should really be talking to him about all this stuff, yeah? Ah, he’ll read this, it’ll be fine.