Benefits
That’s that then. I am now officially existing on benefits.
Yes indeedio, I am one of them unwashed scroungers that the Daily Mail hates! WAHOO! The government decided that, yeah, actually, me having no income and no savings and no immediate means of supporting myself and my child is reason enough for them to help me out. Thanks, government. Cheers, DavCam! It’s a princely sum you’re spaffing into my bank account on a fortnightly basis. ‘Princely’ as in, the prince of crap. I still can’t pay my rent or bills but hey, at least now we can eat something other than dust.
No, really, it’s cool. I’m not complaining. I’m grateful. I need the money. It’s just, my head’s spinning a bit, y’know? I’ve never been this dependent on a faceless entity before. In my head, the government is a big, knobbly, posh-looking building with hordes of peasants camped outside of it. Kinda like the Houses of Parliament. But with a giant photo of DavCam’s giant shiny head sellotaped to it. So not that faceless then. But you know what I mean. It’s a THING. A collection of NOOBS. Making shite decisions that are supposed to HELP US and stuff, and yet DON’T really. I’m not a political person but I know what makes me mad. And that’s posh people keeping all the money and chopping up poor people and baking them in pies. WHICH IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN. You’ll see.
So, benefits. Again, WAHOO! Man alive, it’s good to have some pressure taken off. But fark me, it’s tricky having no money. Like, before, when I was earning some moneys, if I wanted to buy some new pants, I would just go out and buy pants? Usually some nice ones – maybe from Marks and Spencer? Cotton blend, leopard print, a bit of lace. Scented with unicorn pheromones. Innit.
Now, however, if I want to buy some new pants, I can’t. I have to wear my old ones till they fall off me in wispy tatters. Then it becomes a bit desperate, and my need to acquire pants becomes acute. The present options for my pant buying is limited. No Marks and Spencer for me now: I get SPAT ON BY MYLENE KLASS AND TWIGGY if I go within fifteen feet of M&S. Nope – now I am a benefits tart I have to buy my knickers from charity shops, or, cos charity shops are a bit pricey these days, I may have to steal pants from old ladies instead. I think it’s a farking good indication that you’re a povvo if you’re prising the mouldy knickers from some crusty granny undercarriage. Like, erm, Robin Hood. But with more underwear theft?
And pants are just the crotchless tip of the iceberg. I also cannot buy gin, books, tartan clothes, diamonds, flying monkey nuts, crack cocaine, stuffed animals or interplanetary pirate ships without thinking very carefully about whether I can afford them or not first. It’s a very new mindset for me. I don’t like it much. I hate not being able to treat Moo to stuff every now and again. But I’ll just have to get used to it, I guess, until I work out how I can marry a fragile old man with heaps of money get a job.
I’m not alone. We’re all struggling financially. Unless you’re rich (in which case, I might marry you. Or steal your pants). Such a switch in circumstances is a bastard. When have you had to cope with something like this? And HOW did you cope? (you may be able to surmise that I am not coping that well, mahahahaahhahah *falls over*)
I couldn’t be bothered to read all the millions of comments, so don’t know if any one’s said Freecycle. But if not, do it! So many free things – I can’t believe what people will give away once they’ve finished with it! Depends on your area what’s available, but in our area there’s always lots of good stuff going.
No they haven’t, so thanks! I completely forgot about Freecycle. It might be handy for getting rid of some of my old crap as well… wahooo!
having no money sucks, i know this cos i have none and if i do have any then it goes on the kids. i feel the same about knickers mine fall off me in wispy tatters, ok well they look like they will, my arse has given them a good stretch through pregnancy and after. i just keep telling myself it wont always be like this (i live in hope)
We need #pantsaid more than ever! Hope we get some good pants
pantsaid, i love it, i reckon men would protest though preferring us commando
I have issues with going commando. What happens with all the spaff? Does it just sit in yer trousers? Hmmm.
go veggie-we save at least a tenner a week by only having ham in sandwhiches and basically no other meat. Def an your meals so no waste at all and if buy random ingrediendt then can use it for 2 meals.
Also got some fab toys at local school fair yesterday for 50p-it is the season for them at the min and anyone can go to them-no need to be connected to the school-generally they have a banner hanging outside to advertise them!
We don’t eat a lot of meat anyway, Moo doesn’t seem particularly keen on it. Though she does love tinned tuna and that is pricey. Good tip about the school fairs, thanks
Car boot sales, if there is one in reach, are far cheaper than even charity shops for kids clothes (and adult clothes), and the great thing about having a girl is that there is often someone there with an entire wardrobe full of cute dresses for 50p each, frequently in excellent condition. It’s an afternoon out, and you can get all sorts of other stuff too, of course. Especially toys and books and such. Basically, I buy most of the kids clothes and toys for pennies on car boot sales. Remember to haggle: Is that your best price? is a particularly useful phrase for costlier items, always ask for something off if you buy more than one thing, and even if it’s just 50p never pay full price. Took me a while to get comfortable doing this, but now I quite enjoy myself. It’s a game. Innit.
Is there a district near you were people rent and move on a lot? My husband and I practically furnished our flat when we moved back to the UK by wandering around and taking home the things that people had left out with signs saying ‘take me home’. Things like TVs, dinner plate sets, garden chairs, dining room chairs, herb and spice sets, chests of drawers, all sorts. We still use some of them. There’s a TV that’s going strong after 6 years, for example, and the folding chairs I found on a quick walk round the block when we had people coming that evening and not enough chairs are great for relaxing on the balcony.
As for treats for Moo, this might be where the blog comes in, I’m afraid. I know you’ve not had much luck with that in the past, but I know that on the brief occasion I was in the Tots100 top 100, people were falling over themselves to offer days out or things to review and so on. At the time I was too surprised, but it did occur to me later that I had missed a bit of an opportunity to give the son some entertaining days out and such.
Those are all good suggestions, thanks. I’m going to keep an eye out for car boot sales etc. As for PR companies getting in touch, I’ve not really had any offering anything useful so far, but I will def consider it if they do. There must be another way to make money from all this farking blogging I do, I’ll keep thinking on it
OK, Mr imcountingufoz and I run our own business, and when we have tight months, or people don’t effing bother to pay their invoices it hits us really really hard. Here is what I do:
1) do your food shopping at Aldi or Lidl. They are odd places, but goldmines for cheap grub. I can feed my family of 4 on under £40 if I try really hard. They often have amazing deals on baby gear and socks, and you can get some drinkable booze on the cheap too.
2) make your own bread. Its WAY nicer than shop bought, and works out at about 40p a loaf, if that. That way you’ll always at least have toast. Even when we aren’t brassic I make my own bread now. Kneading dough vents an awful lot of frustrations too.
3) If you can make your own dough, you can make your own pizza. And that is a princely dinner however much cash you have in your pocket.
4) I also use cloth nappies for my son. It really does work out cheaper.
Thats all I can think of right now, but I am sure more will come. I always think I am like Erin Brockovich at the beginning of the film where she is super poor. Get what you’re entitled to, and yah boo sucks to the government xx
Ah I LOVE Aldi and Lidl, I only wish there were some near where I live, dammit. I don’t drive so am restricted to local shops and what I carry back with the buggy etc. The bread making thing would be great if I had one domestic bone in my body. Ahem. Thanks missus, all great advice XX
Hi,
This isn’t hugely helpful, but it helps me a little – although obvs not a long-term income solution. I don’t have much money, but I have a lot of time on my hands as can’t afford childcare. So I complain, an awful lot. My tolerance have dropped considerably since I had a child. I feel it’s my public duty to complain about crap customer service or shitty food.
It’s actually incredibly bloody successful as a means of bonus vouchers. £10 of Hellman’s vouchers, £10 of Pampers, £20 of Morrisons …it all helps me. It helps me vent my frustrations, it helps the retailer/manufacturer to know when something needs to be improved on and that bonus £s frees up some of my food budget for “treats” i.e. knickers, mascara, baby vests etc.
Like I say, you can’t rely on it, but it’s a bonus. And every girl deserves knickers!
I also try and get all the bargains at Boots and Sainsburys, Tesco etc so I can use their loyalty cards and get money off my shopping and buy birthday and Christmas pressies.
Failing that, message me your address and I’ll send you a tenner. I’ve been there on the knicker-front and it’s the worst thing.
Ah bless you. That’s actually a really, practical, helpful suggestion and funnily enough, one that a friend and I were talking about today. I think it is something I will do. Obv not take the piss or whatever, but every little helps (as one multi-million corporation insists on telling us). Thanks missus
I’ve never tried it, but apparently positive suggestions win prizes too – my friend suggested to a retailer about some online voucher shizzle and they sent her £25 gift card for her troubles! Ching ching ching JACKPOT!
The way I look at it, if I had a business in these troubled times, if my food was substandard or my staff were lazy feckers, I’d want to know so I could kick someone’s arse.
And honestly, post a Paypal address or something. Your blog has provided me with hours of amusement. I’d pay a one-off goodwill gesture for the pleasure. I bet there’s many others on here who would too. It’s not charity. Everyone sponsors people on these justgiving pages who they barely know. I’d happily sponsor you to go on a knicker-a-thon. If you’re going to secure a rich dude you need swanky pants!!!!
LOL you’re awesome, thank you. Tell you what – when I get round to writing a book based on my blog, you can buy a copy of that – yeah?
Hell yes! Make it in paper format though would you? I don’t have any of the Kindle stuff.
Yes ma’am
Complaining on twitter works wonders too. The AA reduced my bill by £250 – their first quote being total extorsion – no idea how you spell that, but you get my drift. Maybe you could complain about shonky M&S pants and see what happens…. make sure you # them. Start a daily twitter complaint campaign. If M&S don’t give you pants/pants vouchers a rich millionaire on twitter might take pity and buy you pants or marry you…… apparently twitter is THE place to find love atm. Don’t know any millionaires who are just about to cop it or I’d point them in your direction….. sorry.
PS Have you thought of putting together an ebook of your best bits on here and flogging it. Yours is quite the best blog on the planet
Surely good for a few 100 quid.
PPS – And for petes sake charge more than £1.53 for it.
I’m going to become a professional complainer, seems like quite a profitable occupation!
Being young means your parents give you money every month, but I’ve had a little tragic situation like this one (more or less) (not at all, actually, but okay).
As I am a young and free girl, I like doing stuff during my holiday, and I want to work for it. Last year I’ve been spreading my cv all over Belgium (the nearby city, actually), and luckily I’ve got a very nice job. But this year, I believed everything was fine, I had a job, right? I would be earning money. I would be paying my several holidays and my weekends filled with expensive drinks.
Not.
The job I had could only be my job for about a week, so money? Nope. I’ve been searching for work today, because I can’t just sit at home and do nothing while I desperately need something to do and the money. Hopefully I’ll get a job somewhere nice.
How the hell did you survive before you were on benefits? I can’t imagine that. That sounds like a rich girl speaking. I’m sorry. But really, that must have been hunger or what?
Before benefits, I pretty much scraped by on whatever my husband could contribute. Now he’s no longer obliged to do that, it’s hello benefits. Before I had a baby, I always had a job. I can’t get a job while I look after my baby – childcare is too expensive. It’s a vicious farking circle. FFS.
Really hope you find another job!
Damn… I mean, my situation is just about leading a very comfortable life, but yours is really serious and stuff… Hopefully you’ll find that old man!
LMAO thanks m’love
Is there any chance you’ll make it to Belgium now?
LOL It’s still on my list of things to do. You never know, I might win the lottery next week
I have no job after my maternity leave, except 6 days casual work. Husbands wage won’t cover everything by far so I’m starting to panic. And now I’m preggers again so whatever I find will only be temp. Absolutely cacking it. You will be fine, it well all work out for the best. And besides dust is quite tasty and pants are overrated. That’s what I’m telling myself anyway.
Xxx
Oh fark, that sounds pretty desperate for you too. Soz m’love. Really hope things work out for you, am sure they will
Benefits are great! Wahoo! xx
Ah love, if I could pay you my sympathy in pounds I would. It has been a financial white knuckle ride since moving to Spain and having a baby. Still not out of the woods. Sleepless nights and all that. Tell yourself that it will not be like this forever, because it won’t. x
I know, sometimes it’s hard to see the wood beyond the trees though innit. Gracias senora X
I have a couple of friends who have gone through what you are just now. And they have come out the other side. One of my friends who had a shitty ex who barely contributed a penny found various ways of saving money, having nice things and still giving her daughter little treats.
Her daughter and she are always dressed immaculately. Basically she buys a LOT of stuff on eBay. She buys nice brands second hand at majorly reduced cost. Even shoes etc. Just looks for never worn or hardly worn items. I have done same recently and got some lovely Boden stuff for kids. And lovely BNWT Hoss stuff for me.
She shops around in Aldi’s and the other one. And uses Tesco vouchers for treats.
She split with her ex when baby was 2. Her daughter is now 6. She worked 16 hours a week since he left, until recently,whilst doing her teaching assistant qualification and in September starts full-time work.
My best friend has 2 boys. Father is Irish, so CSA can’t touch him and he has never contributed. She has worked full-time since her youngest was 3m. She set up her own business a few years ago and now employs 6 members of staff, owns several properties, has a VERY successful business and her boys are well brought up and a credit to her and never want for ANYTHING. She suffered PND and has had it tough a long the way but she is now in SUCH a good place, in a great relationship with a lovely man, she is off all mess and looks great. I am SO proud of her.
This is a really tough time where the tunnel seems long and dark, but there IS light at the end of it.
You can do it and will do it. X
Ah thanks for sharing those experiences. It’s good to hear positive things. I really hope my circumstances change, it’s just trying to envisage how that can happen and then MAKING it happen… but positivity is good X
I stupidly realised I have no money AFTER my maternity leave so basically blew a lot of savings because I gave myself a nice monthly budget. I work part time and we basically now budget and buy BOGOFs (I am now bogof obsessed!) and I examine those labels that say “this works out to be 1p per baby wipe… Hurrah!!). I wouldn’t mind some unicorn scented leopard pants (if they were on bogof!).
LMAO you’d have to check with M&S about the pants… they might be BOGOF…
I am cacking my pants about the OHs work/business plans going tits up in the next few months and having no idea how to pay the mortgage as my TA pittance just about covers the weekly food shops. I have every thing crossed as I wouldn’t know where to start. I’m not helping much am I? It would be ironic if he has to rely on me for income!? THEN I would be out of the door
Let’s live in a big house together and keep chickens. You like eggs, right? And chickens?
Keep those fingers and toes crossed m’love, cos it’s no fun being in this situation. Hope things work out for your OH X
We need to organise #pantsaid. Or something
It sucks, like a crappy vacuum cleaner.
Yes. Sort out #pantsaid so that I can buy some more unicorn pheromone scented pants please. Maybe Elton John will sing a song for us?
don’t make me spend my afternoon idly rewriting bandaid into pantsaid. that would be a terrible waste of my time
LMAO sorry, sorry, as you were
It’s pants shopping time, there’s no need to be afraid
At pants shopping time, we let in light and we banish shade
But in our world of undies, we should spread a smile of joy!
Throw your arms around the world at pants shopping time
But say a prayer – pray for the other ones
At pants shopping time, it’s hard but when your having fun
There’s a world outside your window
And it’s a world of dread and fear
Where the only grundies wearing has a bitter stench of turd
And the pants shopping quests that happen have wiffy pong of doom
Well tonight thank God it’s them instead of you
And there wont be lingerie in the Mother Venting house this pants shopping time
The greatest gift she’ll get this year is pantsaid
Where knickers never show
And laundry alwauy flows
Do they know it’s pants shopping time at all?
Here’s to you raise a glass for everyone
Here’s to them underneath the chaffing shorts
Do they know it’s pants shopping time at all?
Buy some pants
Buy some pants
Buy some pants
Let them know it’s pants shopping time and
Buy some pants
Let them know it’s pants shopping time
Buy some pants
Let them know it’s pants shopping time
That is the BEST COMMENT EVER. If I don’t get free pants from this, I’ll eat my own head
I’ve also had to rely on government with things like health insurance for my kiddos and child care cost reductions. It sucks because in order to get these things my income was drastically lower than I would have liked it. It’s only recently that I’ve been able to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Good. I’m glad you’ve seen the light. Gives me a bit of hope that one day I will too.
I’ve just completed my forms and posted them off, so I am yet to find out what pittance I will get for my two girls! At the age of 42 this is the first time I’ve never been able to support myself and it stinks esp when it wasn’t my doing! Good luck to you and Moo and if I find any cheap pants I’ll tip you off! Xx
LOL thanks for that… apparently Primark is the place for pants
Good luck to you and yours too, hope all goes well for you X
I find pants are sooooo last year… liberate your undercrackers, and go without
Mahahahahaha but then what do I catch my spaff in?
Nowt wrong with getting what you’re entitled to, I’m sure you’ve paid enough bloody tax! But I don’t think it’s Dave C’s fault personally. You would have got the same pittance under the last lot. And you actually wouldn’t be better off working as you would have to pay extortionate childcare costs. Ask Paula!
C’est vrai. I’m trying to think of a way of working around the childcare costs but so far I have only come up with sending her down a mine. I mean, she’s small, and handy with a pickaxe, so it could work. Maybe some more thought needed… oh and I blame DavCam for most things, it’s just easier that way
Chimneys are getting fashionable again I hear. Could she handle a brush?
She bloody well will, and enjoy it as well
I definitely know what you mean on clothes – charity shops and places like Asda and Tesco are my usual places, Primark is a cheap place to shop too but most things I buy from there fall apart! Sometimes I treat myself to nicer clothes from Littlewoods and spread payments out over a year too. C’mon MoVo, get your thrifty on!
Ah I am rubbish at being thrifty. I hate buying cheap stuff cos it falls apart or smells or something. But yeah I need to recalibrate my settings, innit.
Being on benefits is indeed complete arse, partly because it leaves you skint, and partly because it means dealing with the people who work for the government.
But don’t worry! Now that Jimmy Carr has decided to pay his taxes, you might get a bit more next week. If Gary Barlow suddenly decides to pay his as well, you might even be able to pop back into Marks and Sparks to buy some biscuits.
*plans to rob Jimmy Carr* *or marry him*
urrgggg don’t marry him…. there have to be better millionaires out there….
Hmm. Crusty granny undercarriage. *drifts off into reverie*
Oh. Yeah. Sorry. Benefits. Yeah. It’s a bit shit innit. But you are exactly who the benefits system should be for. You never set out to have a baby with no means of supporting you both. Stuff happened. Things changed. And now you need a bit of help til you get sorted. There’s no shame in that. It should be more. It should be enough to live on. But so should min wage & childcare. It sucks that the govt can’t get that sorted.
I’ve only needed to claim benefits once. Me & Him had just graduated with good degrees but massive student loans. I was due to start my job in the Sept. He was due to start his teacher training in the Sept. In the meantime, we had 3 months over the summer with bills to pay & no hope of getting a job for such a short time. You’d think we’d be prime candidates for benefits. Fully intending to work. Just needing some v short-term help. So obviously the system shat all over us & left us hanging. After 2 months waiting they gave us £40. FORTY QUID! To get this we had to stand in a queue behind some bloke who was telling the lady he missed signing on for his Jobseekers last week coz he’d been on his holiday in Spain.
Jeezus. It’s farked up innit. Thanks for sharing your experience. I hope you made that 40 quid last.
Mr B and I really found ourselves in trouble a couple of years back when the company we both worked for put itself in to administration, having NOT paid either of us for over a month, and then the courts wrote off their debt so they didn’t have to pay us anything AND we were both suddenly out of work. With a mortgage to pay and our wedding four months later. Arse.
One thing we did start doing out of necessity was planning our meals for the week, literally every nights tea, before we went shopping to make sure we used EVERYTHING up. If we were doing a roast on Sunday we would buy stuff to turn leftovers into curry on Monday, or of we knew we would have bacon left from something then the next night would be some bacon-pasta thing. Weirdly, we found we actually quite liked planning meals. We still do it now. Which is actually not that surprising as we are still skint.
And Primark are great for cheap pants.
It will get better lovely. Promise x
Yeah I should be thriftier with my meals, thank you. Trouble is if I sort Moo out for food, I usually forget about me and then I only have crackers or something. Cooking for one is a bit rubbish anyway. Not that I cook. I know it will get better, it has to, right? Thanks lovely X
I too am dependent on benefits, totally, for the first time in my life. It makes me sad, my depression is worse than it has ever been and my relationship with my husband is rather tense since neither of us are working and we fighting over who’s turn it is for the laptop to job hunt (or get side tracked in my case by Twitter and blogs
) and who should be watching H. We have more money to pay out than coming in and no means of credit. I have spent the entire weekend on forums begging for uber cheap meal ideas and tending to a toddler shouting for sweets or ice cream or other treats that we have no pennies to pay for. It sucks big hairy balls.
Whilst the lack of money is depressing I think the Daily Mail attitude is what is upsetting me even more. Of course I know that the people who know me know I hate this situation but even so, if people ask how we are supporting ourselves and we tell them I swear they look at us like we have rabies or summat. (Is that a record for using the word know the most times in a sentence??)
Anyway, I hope things pick up for both of us, somehow. Short of hitting a red light district I don’t know what to do. Except I’d probably end up having to PAY someone rather than be PAID. xx
Ah missus
it’s so shite. I’m so sorry you are also going through such a hard time. I truly hope it gets better for you. XX