Moo does this thing. She stands on the sofa, flips the curtain across her head, and waits for me to peek around it, then collapses into giggles. If I don’t peek, cos I’m doing summat else, then she flings it back anyway, gets all excited, and throws herself at me. More often that not, she headbutts my shoulder. Like, SMACKS her head on my shoulder. And then laughs. Yeah, CUTE. FFS.
Also, she’s obsessed with the rain. She likes standing on the windowsill and pointing at it. And telling me about it. Only, her telling me about it consists of the phrase ‘yay-yay’ over and over and OVER again. For example:
‘Yes, it’s raining!’
‘Yes, it’s raining. Look at the rain!’
‘Yay-yay yay-yay yay-yay yay-yay yay-yay!’
‘OH EM GEE YES IT IS RAINING OH FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST’
… and so on. Drives me mentalistic.
I do love Moo. I really really do. With all my heart and soul. But I am finding it hard to keep my temper, when some of her escapades get a bit, erm, escapadey. I guess she’s just doing her regular toddler stuff, like what is set out in the Toddler Manifesto that all toddlers get issued with when they are promoted to toddler, but fark me, it’s sending me loopy.
Another example: her new favourite phrase is ‘Oh no!’ Used to be endearing, yeah? Like, so endearing when she tips her raisins onto the floor and grinds them into the carpet and then goes ‘Oh no!’ with a look of impish glee on her face? Uhuh. Just so SWEET.
I’ve always been quick-tempered. Just ask anyone unfortunate enough to witness it. It is not pretty. And Moo is like a tiny me. We are very similar in character. So, we are going to clash, innit. Jeezus I am dreading the teen years. Maybe boarding school will, um, neutralise her or summat. Or the armed forces? Or a NUNNERY. But in the meantime, for the sake of my own sanity, I am learning to ‘control’ my temper.
What’s that? What did you – did you just laugh? Yeah, you did – a little snorty disbelieving laugh! How rude.
But yeah, fair enough, I am not doing very well on the whole ‘control’ my temper thing. In fact – and I’m going to confess something that I did the other day, which upset me loads, actually, and I wasn’t sure I would ever admit to it – but I smacked her. A sharp slap on the bum. I was in the process of changing her nappy and she was being a minx and kicked me in the chest. So I smacked her. It must’ve hurt her – the quality of her cry went from whinging to wounded. And I felt the worst shame I have ever felt. Awful. Like I was monster. I’ve not hit her before. And I don’t want to again. But my temper got the better of me.
So – here’s the problem. I react in the moment. I’m under a lot of stress right now, more of which I’ll explain in a coming blog post. I’m on my own, with Moo, a lot of the week, and she’s pushing all my buttons, and not in a good way. I want to be able to keep calm and not lash out, y’know? Cos I’m worried I’ll do something really farking uncool, one day. Like a noob.
Tell me I’m not alone – there must be other hot-tempered types out there? What do you do to stay frosty?