Zoos are great. Not all zoos, obviously. I can imagine that a zoo of Victorian urchins might not be a cheery place. Or a zoo of slightly wan poodles. But generally, zoos are OK by me. The one in this fair city where I live is uber-great, and I’m a member of this zoo, which doesn’t mean I’m part-wolf or related to one of the jellyfish or anything, just that I pay an annual fee and then get to go for as many times as I like.
So we went today and because zoos are educational as well as entertaining (though, if I’m honest, a parade of wan poodles wouldn’t go amiss) here’s what I learned at the zoo:
- that there are loads of kids called Mitchell. As we walked around, I swear I heard people – and different people, not just the same ones all the time – calling for a Mitchell, e.g. ‘Mitchell! Come eat your sandwich!’ and ‘Mitcheeelllll! There’s a penguin!’ and ‘MITCHELL! STEP AWAY FROM THE LION’ etc. Unless they were actually shouting ‘Michelle’ just in a really common way?
- that I can actually restrain myself from shrieking ‘For the love of Jeezus, LEMURS ARE NOT MONKEYS’ at stupid people, when stupid people point at lemurs and say, ‘Ah look, Mitchell, what a gaw-juss monkey!’ Even Moo knew they weren’t monkeys. Though she did point at them and say ‘cat’. But the zoo man said she was close enough.
- that I do not like pigeons mating near my feet.
- that if there’s a playground, with slides in it, Moo will have to go on every slide.
- that, despite what you may think from your TV viewing, meerkats do not wear clothes, speak English, or advise you on where to purchase car insurance. They really do fark all apart from squeak and sit on their babies.
- that Moo is not a fan of animatronic dinosaurs, especially the ones that make noises like ‘eep eep eeeeep eeeeEEEeeeeeEEP’ and ‘ggggggrrraaaw’ and ‘Mitcheeeelllll’.
- that tired little girls DO NOT want to go on carousels.
- that scarecrows are, actually, pretty farking scary.
And that’s that.
Sorry if you were hoping for fascinating animal facts, though if you were, you really should not be reading my blog anyway.
When was the last time you went to the zoo? And do you know anyone called Mitchell?