Flash
Let’s have a competition. Who can be the most embarrassed today? Go on, let’s. Cos I bet I’d WIN. I like winning anyway so best let me win, but I know I’d win if we had a competition cos something very embarrassing happened to me today.
Tell you about it? Oh, all right then.
It’s hot again. To keep cool in this weather I am wearing a long, floaty skirt and vest top. We go to playgroup. Afterwards, we go to see my mum. On the way back from my mum’s, it’s the middle of the day, and therefore farking HOT. Moo is wearing her sunhat, which she vehemently disagrees with. She tosses it out of the buggy. I go round to replace it. Bend down, get back up, move back, start to walk.
My long, floaty skirt is tucked around the back wheel of the buggy.
As I push, my skirt, which has an elasticated waist, is pulled down.
I show my arse to the line of cars waiting at the traffic lights. My arse has also, at that crucial moment in time, decided to eat my knickers. So I am LITERALLY showing my arse. To traffic. Someone honks their horn. The bastards.
I’m wrestling with my skirt. I manage to pull it back up. An old man limps past, but not before saying ‘Steady on darling, I’ve got a heart condition, you know’. Bastard.
Luckily, I was wearing good knickers, despite them being wedged within the depths of my crack. And also, I have an extraordinary arse. So I inadvertently cheered up a load of people stuck at the traffic lights waiting for a broken-down car to be moved. Still. Embarrassing. EMBARRASSING. So I win. I WIN.
Unless you have a better story about wardrobe malfunctions?
I had to come back on comment and this one. This is the first post I read when I followed the link from Michael’s Blog and it nearly made me pee my pants. I felt sorry for you and the fact that it happened but the way you told it was so freaking funny it was hard not to laugh.
Well I’m so glad my humiliation and misery was good for you…
I’d been working in the bank a little over a year (I was 19) when I was asked by my boss to do a presentation at a conference we were holding. Anyway, the day comes that I have to present to all 30 managers from my local area, all the staff from my office, the main board of directors and I believe a couple of dozen of our best customers. I have a pair of ‘lucky pants’- black, lacy, make me feel like Kelly Brooke when I look more like Kelly Osbourne- so I wore them for a confidence boost.
I get called up on stage and make my way up from my seat (positioned at the back of the room so you get to do a long walk whilst receiving applause to and from the stage- lovely!), stand there, all eyes on me, and I start shakily, detailing what I’ll be talking about, introducing myself and what I do. The next 15 minutes fly by in a flurry of pre-prepared spreadsheets and flow charts, and I really enjoy myself. When the presentation draws to a close I hand over to one of my male colleagues in my best presenting voice, to which he replies, ‘Thankyou Natalie, very nicely said. Can I also take this opportunity to say that your taste in underwear is exquisite and your ass is just as pretty as your face.’
How do you normally put it? Oh right. Bastard.
Same thing happened to me but I was wearing tights do actually no, not the same thing!
I wish I had been wearing tights. Might have scraped back a little dignity then!
Omg you poor woman! Thank god you have an incredible arse or it could of been really embarrasing! Phew *wipes sweat from forehead* (well it is hot you know)
xxx
If I could, I would kiss my extraordinary arse
I was at a friends wedding once, wearing a beautiful and pricey dress with tiny straps. During the limbo competition (don’t ask) my strap broke and as I stood up the front of my dress fell off, immortalising my rack on the wedding video.
When I took the dress back, they initially refused to refund me. Then I told them what happened.
PMSL and it’s on video?? That’s AWESOME
I can’t compete. But if I could, it was obviously so horrific I’ve repressed the memory. Great post!
Thank you. Maybe therapy for repressed memories?
I can’t compete. But if I can, it was obviously so horrific I’ve repressed the memory. Great post!
Shit. You win x
*fist pump*
Years ago my elder daughter Sarah (who was about 9 at the time) and I were in a changing room in M and S, trying on stuff as you do, having a bit of a giggle. Happy times. When the overhead light began to flicker, we found this highly amusing. It flickered again. More hilarity. Then the curtain was unceremoniously yanked back and we were informed by a frosty shop assistant that it was the remembrance day 2 minutes silence. We exited the changing room to the disapproving stares of the entire shop floor to rejoin my mortified husband.
Aaaaaaahhhh how were you supposed to know?? Easy to slip one’s mind
you deffo win sweet cheeks!!!
HOORAY!
Nope, you win
.
YEAH I DO, BABY
ahhh Iv seen that happen to someone with the long skirt getting caught thing. Apologies but I laughed SO MUCH hehehe. I do have an amusing story about my Grandad tho he was in hospital about two years ago and a nurse came in and said she was going to clean his bits and bobs. He said ok but he had had a shower that morning so he thought he would be ok. She just smiled and started cleaning his hospital machinery. He was mortified lmao
PMSL that is SUPERB
Given the oft-mentioned glory of your behind I think you should regard its exposure as a public service. But I wish my mother to be considered in the finals of this competition. She was at a very ritzy do at the Ritz and was using the very ritzy Ladies and when she left the lav attendant called after her and thinking the woman was after a tip my mother quickened her pace. She was half way across the ball room full of very distinguished guests when the attendant finally caught up with her and told her that her skirt was tucked into the waist of her rather capacious knickers.
I think I love your mum
You poor thing! I was going to share my sisters escalator shame but it was too long winded for a comment so I stuck it in a post instead. She’s going to love me…http://www.catsyellowdays.com/2012/05/23/you-want-embarrassing-one-for-my-little-sister/
What else are sisters for if not to totally humiliate on the world wide web?
I have several of these…
I was skipping school on sports day and smoking with my friends (y’know, because I was big and hard) and having a laugh, telling them I actually had a penis. To “prove” it I undid my zip, put my two fingers through it and burned them on the lit cigarette in my other hand. I was so busy nursing my burn that I didn’t realise I’d undone my popper and my trousers were by my ankles until my friend giggled and said “nice panties Lauren!” There were loads of my year group behind me.
2. I had borrowed my mothers swimming costume for PE because we were roughly the same size. I was the last to finish a width and walked towards the rest of the girls and thought “What’s that weird breeze I’m my boobs?”
3. Wearing a top that had buttons on the straps as I was shopping. I had been at the shops for over an hour when, by chance, I glanced at my boob: a button had undone and my top has fallen revealing my whole left cup!
I’m sure there are more. Do I win?
I think you just enjoy exposing yourself
Bravo! I say, bravo. I can promise that I would most certainly have parped my horn too!. Good work.
*curtsies*
Once, when I was growing pubes – you know that very awkward stage – I stood on my bikini tie and found my bikini bottoms around ankles. MORTIFYING as I was on the beach with my older sister, her friend, and some teenage boys that they were chatting-up at the time. My furry little foof right in there eye line at close range. I didn’t what I had to do. Pulled my pants up and carried on.
ROFL man alive, that’s a good’un.
Cracking story. I wish I could have been there. I promise I wouldn’t have honked!
I can’t match your embarrassment but my big sister can. I have a friend John who has a really bad stutter. She met him for the first time on my stag do. I was aware of them laughing and joking on the other side of the pub but gave it no thought. When we got home, she told me the two of them had been pretending to stutter all night and it was really funny. She went deepest maroon when I told her John’s stutter was real. She managed an even deeper colour when she met him again at the wedding. Magic moments!
Oh dear! I wonder what he thought she was up to??
Fortunately, he has a great sense of humour and was both most understanding and highly amused when I explained what had happened. I think he guessed what was going on and just played along.
Kudos to him
You so win but I’ll still tell you mine. As a student I wore a snot colored sleepy suit to bed (why) and also wore it out and about.(I know). Once I accidentally had a boob hanging out (how?) and walked around for a while till a good friend whispered in my ear ‘you’ve popped a tit.’ hard to walk tall around uni after that.
LMAO ‘popped a tit’!! Brilliant. And, erm, why the snot coloured sleep suit, exactly??
I once showed off doing a double-back-flop, pike-straddle, high-foof-dive off a jetty whilst being watched by about a hundred fit young things I quite fancied (all of them of course, not one like normal people) and rather smugly pulled myself out of the water (not at all like a whale beaching itself) and my bikin had ridden up my boobs, but only half way, half-revealing, half-squashing deathly white boobs (they are large enough to half, to be fair – but this adds to the general BOAKness off the scene). It was only when my kindly friend alerted me that I realised. She alerted me slowly. Beatch. I still shudder…
I farking love you, though.
Once, when I was about 15, my much younger sister was playing on the green in front of my parents house with her friends and I got roped in to watch her, so I laid on a blanket on our lawn and read a book. This absolute BITCH from the year below me at school came along (who ended up being a prostitute, as a sidenote) with a group of people and thought it’d be funny to sneak behind me and pull my shorts down in front of everyone. Which would have been mortifying enough, except that I was also on my period and wearing an extra large Always with wings.
I’m pretty sure the lasting trauma of that event alone deserves some sort of prize, no?
Ah Jeezus. That’s horrendous. Truly horrendous. Anything involving periods and sanitary towels is instantly uber-embarrassing. OK. I think you beat me. Possibly. I’m still glowing pink from shame. Lemme think about it.
If that would have happened to me, I would have died! Things like this only happen in movies…
No, no, they happen to ME.
I don’t have a story to share but you have made me laugh rather a lot.
Glad to oblige *rolls eyes*
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I saw you in that. I thought you were superb.
Bob pulled down my dress to show everyone my boob when we were on the beach on holiday. I was mortified as my boobs are not what they used to be but soon realised that there were many other boobs intentionally on display.
Boobs are great, never be mortified about flashing a bit of boobage
I was exercising once and my bikini top flew off and hit the instructor in the face.
Oh no, sorry, that was Barbara Windsor in Carry on Camping.
10 out of 10. FTW.
That doesn’t count.
#win and +10.
Pics?
NO
Spoilsport.
I was admiring your skirt, but after that story I won’t be tracking down a similar one! My mortifying story comes from when I was about 15. My parents were involved with the Scouts so I found myself at a swimming event where I was the only girl. I dived into the pool and pulled myself out the other side to have a chat. Little did I know that when I dived in my swimsuit was pulled under one of my boobs. So I had one boob out in a room full of 15 year old boys.
It’s from H&M, the bastards. That’s a good story. But I still win.
Top story there Movo.
If that had happened to me it would be even more embarrassing. So I win.
No, I win. Cos it did happen to me. I’M A WINNER