Class
So I have been watching the eye-blisteringly camp-tastic Britain’s Got Talent this week. I think it’s safe to say, it’s not a programme with much class, despite the presence of uber-suave Simon Cowell – who looks like he is made out of stretched, patchy leather and veneers – and the sheer volume of gold ticker tape they use is testament to this.
But then, ITV never was class. I always think of it as the shoddy, tarnished channel. A bit ramshackle. Gaudy. The fake tan to the BBC’s light, golden, naturally sun-kissed tones (though BBC4 is, of course, pale and interesting). I don’t usually watch anything on ITV other than the big singing-and-dancing-and-spaffing contests, and even then I’m only drawn to them out of some strange compulsion, like wanting a McDonald’s, which always leaves me a faint nausea and a mouth that tastes like salty cow flaps. Watching a commercial TV channel is only slightly less beefy. Just can’t stand it.
Does this make me a snob? Probably, though I don’t think I look down on anyone for wanting to watch ITV. I generally look down on people because they’re kissing my extraordinary arse. I jest! OF COURSE I DON’T LOOK DOWN ON PEOPLE. You actually just don’t LOOK at people while they pay sweet homage to your extraordinariness, cos it gives them an inflated sense of purpose, and I need to control the peasants somehow.
Mahahaha! Oh, you know me well enough by now to know I spout utter nonsense. Yet I’ve been turning this class business around in my head space and, after some gin, a cavalcade of biscuits and a vodka douche, have come up with a list: a list of class.
So what is class? And what is not? Cast your eyes there below and see if you agree with me! And what have I left out? Leave your answers in my usual comments receptacle…
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Class |
Not Class |
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Boots |
Superdrug |
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Eastenders |
Hollyoaks |
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Olives |
Sundried tomatoes |
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Gin |
Vodka |
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Starbucks |
Costa |
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Cerrie on Cbeebies |
Katy on Cbeebies |
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Doc Marten’s |
UGGs |
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Grazia |
Heat |
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Log fires |
Central heating |
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|
|
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Diamonds |
Plastic |
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Unicorns |
Dragons |
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Sunshine |
Rain |
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Chanel |
Primark |
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Neighbours |
Home and Away |
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Marmite on toast |
Jam on toast |
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Apples |
Bananas |
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Grey |
Orange |
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Trees |
Yukkas |
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No pets |
Pets |
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Short and square |
Long and pointy |
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Witches |
Vampires |
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West |
East |
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Cake |
Biscuits |
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Thai takeaway |
Chinese takeaway |
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Deal or No Deal |
Come Dine With Me |
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His Dark Materials |
Harry Potter |
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Foxes |
Badgers |
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Arse |
Boobs |
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Libraries |
Pubs |
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Geoff |
Jeff |
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Blogging |
Not blogging |
Jeff vs Geoff is the best one I reckon. You are hilarious. X
You can only have one Geoff/Jeff. Two spellings is plain GREEDY x
I can’t believe you’ve put biscuits in Not Class. Now granted cakes are generally classier but it’s all a matter of degree. Many biscuits would give a battenburg a run for it’s money in the class stakes any day. You may need to further develop this concept into a continuum of class to more accurately portray our complex and multifaceted cake and biscuit community.
I love you MoVo for I fit in all of what you call class, which means that in this bonkers world of yours, we are both top class ladies!
I should admit that I hate both marmite AND jam and that I have never watched Eastenders, Hollyoaks, neighbours, or Home and Away – so technically I am therefore a weirdo or perhaps super top class
LOL super top class obvs
x
OH God theres loads on your “Not class” that i like! Says it all really, doesnt it *sobs a little* , Its true i can only aspire to be like you
xx
LMAO oh my life, NO ONE should want to be like me… enjoy your non-classness…
xx
PMSl love it, and again i am neither in the middle of class or not class. i am a costa drinking tattooed hippie type lady,only have 8 tattoos for now, working on design for back piece. .. don’t watch soaps, do not watch all that much tv in general but don’t watch ITV. would drink in Nero but they charge extra for soya milk !!!!
Then you are a perfect mix
i am going to take that how i read it, “then you are the perfect minx”
Class – liking what you like with no concern for anyone else’s opinion. Not class- declaring you don’t like something because someone else says it’s not class. Ergo I wear Uggs whilst riding on my dragon. I am class. If you search hard there is some sense in all that.
*whispers* My tongue is very firmly in my cheek. Obviously no one should take any notice of what I say. Least of all a classy person like yourself.
I think I now have class confusion!! I’m sitting on the fence with one foot being Jimmy Choo (ok actually in reality I’d be wearing a Doc Marten) and the other foot being decidedly Shoe Zone! Can’t I love His Dark Materials AND Harry Potter and balance that out with the fact that I don’t watch Eastenders or Hollyoaks?
Yes that is allowed. *makes a note*
I think I can tick off more on the non-class side. Now I feel confused & ashamed…
Rectify that IMMEDIATELY using my handy guide to what’s class. Instant uber-classness. Or, stick two fingers up at me and my nonsense…
Oi, my husband does news and sport for ITV News on a regular basis therefore it is total class!! I do agree with you about BGT and all the other cruddy shows it has though (although not Coronation Street – that is total class like my husband)
OK, OK, he is the exception *tsk*
ITV is indeed a pile of old jobbies.
Class – WordPress. Not class – Blogspot/Blogger
Ooooh, look at me being a daring and controversial twat.
WP is class. Full the stop. You are correctamundo.
I have to take issue with you over one of them. Unclassy people flock to Torremolinos to top up their orange tan. Classy people relish trudging miles in Barbours over rain-soaked sod to exercise their gun dogs.
No, no, dogs are not class.
Not class…. Tats I think, have well and truly had their day. Can just imagine a raft of old ladies in the future wih bleedy blue pictures all over them. Nice…
Agreed. Tattoos = not class.
I dreamed I got a tattoo last night. A Cheryl Cole-style tat that ended up on the top of my hand by accident. May have woken up screaming.
Glad you mentioned Neighbours over Home & Away (the Aussie Emerdale). Still, Eastenders? A big fat NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
It’s classier than Hollyoaks, tho, innit.