So the other night in rehearsal, we were told that the following evening we’d be having headshot photos taken for the programme. ‘Right,’ thought I, ‘I will shave my legs and trim my muff tomorrow morning, then.’
Now, despite the apparent lunacy of this statement – that is to say, IN WHAT UNIVERSE DOES ONE NEED TO SHAVE LEGS AND/OR TRIM MUFF FOR A HEADSHOT PHOTO?? – it did kick-start a worm of thought within my addled brains.
Which was: do I really need to trim my muff?
I like a good hairy muff, I do.
Proper muff. One that deserves the nomenclature of… ‘muff’.
I will confess summat to youse now. I do not like baldy minges. I do not like plucked-chicken-skin pubic areas. No siree. Not on me, anyway. The idea makes me itch. And not in a good way.
What is the obsession with hairlessness? It’s porn, isn’t it? Men want women to be like porn stars, so we rip all the hair from our bodies in an attempt to replicate the pumped-up ideal of a big-boobed, shiny-skinned porno actress. Well, bah and fie to that. I like a nice neat triangle of hair down there. It keeps my bits warm.
OK, so now I’m sounding like a rampant lesbian feminist. I’m not a lesbian. Well – for certain women I would be – and I’m looking at you, dearheart *blows kiss* – but I am a feminist. I’ve read Caitlin Moran’s book How To Be A Woman and everything. She talks about muff in a much more intelligent and eloquent way, so I suggest you go seek it out and have a look-see.
My point is – apart from sharing with the world what I’ve got in my trousers – that NO ONE should have to wax/shave/torture their fun factory for ANYTHING. Hair is NOT dirty or gross. Hair, kept properly, can be aesthetically pleasing and nice to touch. Ahem.
I did think for a MOMENT that it would be fun to see how long I can grow mine. And blog about it, of course.
With photos. But then, I have standards. I am a lady gardener. I keep my lady garden tidy. And before I regain any dignity I might have lost since writing this post, I do shave my armpits and legs as well. Occasionally.
Well, it’s winter, innit? Got to maintain my winter coat.
What do YOU prefer? A lush muff? Or a specky patch of knobbled skin that looks like a little girl’s foof? Not that I’m JUDGING you or nuffink *flutters lashes*
I was going to insert a picture of a muff here, but searching on Google only throws up, er, certain images. So. Use your imagination. Innit.