Auntie Venting Needs YOU
Yes, I am an ACTUAL AUNTIE. I have three supery-dupery extra-cutie nieces. Hello nieces! *waves*
And in my capacity as an Auntie, and as (as you all know) a Parent of Excellence, I have devised a cunning plan. A plan so cunning, that all the other plans run and hide from it, for they will never be as cunning as it is. The cunning is well and truly TO THE MAX within this plan. There is a surfeit of cunning. I am so full of cunning… OK, I’ll shut up.
So in my new guise as Auntie Venting, I am calling upon YOU, Parents of Crapness, to send me your dilemmas, problems, and general queries relating to the topic of parenting. And then I, as a Parent of Excellence, will SOLVE your angst-ridden woes. D’you hear? SOLVE THEM.
You see? YOU SEE? I am an AUNTIE. An AGONY AUNTIE. It’s so cunning, I almost pissed myself.
If you have any dilemmas, problems or queries, then email me, your awesome saviour:
motherventing at gmail.com
And soon I will compile a post with all the answers. It’s so cunning, I had not realised just how cunning it was until I had to write about it being cunning.
Really, what have you got to lose? Apart from your dignity, and any shred of human decency? C’mon, Auntie Venting needs you.
ADDENDUM:
Firstly, I get to use the word ADDENDUM. That is almost as cool as the word SPATCHCOCK. Secondly, as someone pointed out to me, I may need to offer an incentive. What, apart from my EXCELLENT PARENTING SKILLS?? What more do you people need? Oh wait. OK, fine. There will be numerous linkbacks and pimps for your blogs. And I’ll send you all the biscuits I can’t eat this month. Is that acceptable? Thirdly, I should also point out that this agony aunt post will be wholly tongue-in-cheek, and along the lines of the fabby Mrs Mills column in The Times Style magazine. You know. Comedy. Ha ha.
Pssst! Pssst, it’s me. I really need people to email me any sort of questions for this to work, or I’m going to have to make some up, and you just know that’ll end up being rude. Seriously, if this works, I’ll do it monthly or summat, and make a badge. That’s how cool it could be! Really!
I’ll have a think. Sure we’ve got some juicy issues for you to help with. You could do it with a photo story like the tabloids. Classy!
Mahahah that would be funny. Didn’t teen mags used to do stuff like that too? With spotty teen models ‘acting’ out problems like, ‘I Wake Up With Damp Sheets And My Mum Thinks I’m Wetting The Bed’?
How much time have you got love?
Send ‘em in. I can take it. I’m hardcore, me. *cracks knuckles*
Dear Auntie…I will only tell you our problems if you PROMISE not to CURSE! Lol!
For you, I will curtail the cursing. For others, I cannot promise anything! I’m afraid I find swearing one of life’s wee pleasures
Ahhhhh MV, you have a wonderful writing manner!
Dear Auntie
I appear to have a nasty rash….. I keep scratching….. sudocrem doesn’t work. Shall I just get pissed?
Thanks
Albert Hackenslash
Dear Mr H,
As a rule, for anything medical I always, ALWAYS prescribe alcohol. But pls don’t rub into affected area, may cause inflammation (and not the good kind).
Yours,
Auntie V